English National Cross Country Championships - Alton Towers

It was a long coach ride up from London to Staffordshire for the National Cross Country Championships. This was only my second XC race of the season despite making a pledge to do more. The 40 odds Serpies on the bus seemed nervous, particularly as we passed the Watford Gap where a bout of incontinence struck everyone and caused us to have to stop in 2 service stations. We don't go up norf that often.

It was raining all the way up, prompting conversations about 12mm or 15mm. At first I thought it was triathletes talking about their dicks but later realised that they were talking about length of spikes. I had no idea. I listened to about 5 different theories of mud but all of this would be of no use since I didn't have any spikes. I was wearing my imacculately clean Serpie coloured Walsh fell shoes.

On arrival we were presented with a huge field of mud on which to pitch our stand. It was just like Glastonbury except there were a lot less beards. All the other running clubs had tents and ground mats whereas we had just a flag sticking out of the ground and a lot of clean shoes. No one would have guessed that we were the biggest running club in the country.

I think that cross country running seems to be stuck in the 50's. The women run less distance than the men. 6k vs 8k in normal races and then 8k vs 12k in this race. In the distances I do I am used to running alongside women who have to complete the same distances and will often comfortably beat the men. I can understand the seperation of races (for crowding reasons) but not of distance and a lot of youngsters get into running this way and will think that this is normal. I am sure that I am not the first person to complain about this, I suspect that most of the women fell the same way. Or perhaps they are not worrying their pretty little heads about it?

There were lots of races before ours and we were told that due to some mud that the races were going to be cut short which was a massive disappointment to everyone. I had already broken my rule of not spending longer travelling to a race than it takes to complete (6 hours driving for 1 hour running??) and was very aware that the shorter they made the race the more likely it was that I would be last.

We watched the girls race before us, they had their 8k shorted to 6k and this consisted of 3 short laps of 2k and there was no hill. We stood and clapped as girls in various states of exhaution tried to compete with the terrain. It looked like really hard work and occassionally you spotted a girl with mud all over her face who had stacked it ealier. I tried not to laugh but it is hard.

It was the widest start line I have ever been on. I was too fat to get anywhere near the front and was happy to start at the back. We had been told that we'd be running 10k and that was going to be one short lap of 2k and 2 long laps of 4k which includes "the hill". The gun went and like greyhounds (and labradors) we all squeezed into a narrower stream of mud churners and ran towards the crest of a small incline.

Not long in I bumped into Stuart Shiperly and chatted to him for a bit. It didn't really seem like the sort of race that you should be chatting in and everyone seemed quite serious. I pushed on after the first 2k lap, some of the sloppy inclines were really hard going. There was not a huge amount of space and people would run zig-zagged and get in the way quite a lot. I ran up every hill and often bumped into someone who suddenly decided to stop and walk.

The 2nd lap involved passing the start again and going down into a very large puddle, around some grassy areas and then up the "big hill". It wasn't really that big and in fact it was easier than much of the rest of the course because it had not been cut up by other races as it was left out of them. It's a shame the girls were not allowed to do this as they would have really enjoyed it and it would have churned it up for us and made it a proper mud chute. I loved the idea of people slipping on their arses and slidding back down the hill.

One more big lap and I was done. I was really impressed with my choice of footwear and would recommend them for this kind of thing. At no point did I lose any traction and unlike long spikes (apparently) it does not hurt to run on harder ground. I finished in the top 64.363% which is exactly what I was aiming for. 53 minutes to do a 10k. I've done slower.

It was an awesome weekend where the Serpie girls took bronze and the Men's were 12th (I think). The girls results were the best national ranking ever. The good thing about being nearly last is that you don't have to hang around for long at the end, they all have to wait for you. We got on the coach covered in mud and headed to Derby for a night out with the Shire folk. We eventually found a really nice pub but not before walking through the centre of Derby and being horrified by the lack of clothes on it's ladies. Take back what I said earlier, I think the women really do prefer it shorter.

 

Girls like things shorter.

Thames Trot 50

It occured to me that runners need to have a special greeting when meeting at the start of races to avoid that uncomfortable moment where a warm and greasy hand meets another warm and greasy hand. Invariably about 5 seconds after you have used your digits to apply lubrication to low hanging moving parts about 6 people will want to shake hands with you. This was about the 6th race of the year and we are all so familiar that there is no shame in it anymore. But in needs to stop and be replaced by something more hygenic. Any suggestions on how to get round this problem then let me know. "Run all the way with you??? HA HA HA HA HA"

2nd week in a row I was doing a new race, the Thames Trot. One that I decided not to do 2 years ago purely because I thought the name was too silly but I have since got over that. There were the usual suspects present, Mark, Rob, Smelly, Trin. A couple of guys I had not seen in a while were there too, Matt Mahoney who I met in the MDS and who is doing Spartathlon this year and Neil Bryant who I met in the Spartathlon and is doing the Spartathlon this year. Nicole Brown was there too, not seen her for ages but can usually still hear her.

The forecast promised an unspecified chance of probable rain. It looked quite grey to start with and was quite mild. I decided to only take a bottle belt with me this time as my arms were aching form being slashed by bags recently.

My chatting with Neil and ROb lasted about as long as it took to realise that I could not talk and breathe while running at their pace. They ran on through the muddy fields of the ruver path. I have not been this far up the river before (that's not a metaphor). I have ran a couple of times into London from Reading but have not been as far as Oxford. It seems the further you go out the muddier the path is. It was hard work again plodding through the soff ground but at least it wasn't like last week. What is harder to run on? Molehills or Mountains?

I ran with Mark till just after the first CP where he seemed to slow. He had just run 201k in a 24 hour track race last week so I could understand why he might be a bit slower than normal. I pushed on through the mud. Along the way I bumped into more people I knew by face but not name and we all did our Troy Maclure impressions as usual. "Hi I'm James Adams, you may remember me from such Ultra Marathons as the Ultra Race 90 and the washed out diet UTMB". I ran a little with a chap called Cliff who was much faster than I was and seemed to want to drag me up hills. Yes there were hills on the Thames Path.

I did the Thames Trot instead of the Pilgrims Challenge that I enjoyed so much last yeat just because I wanted to do different things. I can't complain that there is too much on now but it is quite difficult chosing between events now. I decided to help out at the second day of the Pilgrims tomorrow though and it would be great to see Gemma who was running plus a lot of other friends.

Around half way the river cuts through the Ridgeway path that I am a little familiar with from the Druids Challenge. On a flat section of river it's quite nice to be surrounded either side by some beautiful chalk hills and you could actually see the path by the river becoming chalky. I'm not much of a geologist but I thought that was pretty cool. The third checkpoint was the checkpoint of my dreams, sausage rolls, pork pies, cake, crisps and drinks. I took a photo but forgot to eat all of it. Most of the others had sweets and drinks including energy powder which I filled up with at all 6 CP's.

I couldn't be arsed really, I had no problems as such I just didn't feel like putting much effort in. I started to run with the leading ladies at around half way but spent a lot of my time walking and taking photos and facebooking. The legs were not really in it today, even when the energy sapping mud of the first half gave way to some much nicer running path and road at times. I asked if we we had done a marathon yet and was told we had done 32 miles. At least it wasn't dragging. I can't really explain why I was not into it and am not too worried by it. It was still a fantastic event. This is why I run

Later on I had to stop and stretch a couple of times but managed to keep up a shuffle and navigate my way to the finish. There was a bit of map reading towards the end as I was unsure whether I was running on river path or someones back garden, some of the people around here have far too much money. Who needs a railway in their back garden? With a station?

The end came in around 8 hours, not bad for what felt fairly gentle. Neil and Rob had finished an hour before and Mark and Claire came in about 10 minutes later. Richard Taylor finished under 9 in his first race over a marathon and Matt Mahoney also blitzed it sub 7. I then went about my epic train journey to Merstham to get to the start of the Pilgrims Challenge that I was helping out on while trying to keep up with the Rocky Racoon 100 that had not long started in Texas. First update was that Ian Sharman had run the first 2 laps (40 miles) in 4.56 and was in first place by about 8 minutes in a field that included Scott Jurek, Anton Kuprica, Karl Meltzer and Zack Gingerich. Brave or stupid?

I was regretting taking so many photos in the race as my battery was dying but had to keep up with the race. The times of each lap came back. 60 miles in 7.26, 80 in 10.04. He was not slowing down and with each lap he was gaining on the elite field. Tired and with a busy day ahead I could not go to sleep until about 1am where the final result came in that Ian had finished in 12.44, a course record and half an hour faster than Anton, averaging 7.38 minute miles and getting very close to a 100 mile trail world record. Made we wish I had gone a bit faster today. The path gets better...

The Pilgrims race was brilliant. I was helping on CP 1 and CP 2. It was quite windy and standing around for hours is actually quite hard work. It is great sometimes to be on the other side of running events. Overall it was a great weekend and a very eventful one for UK ultra-running. There will be plenty more of those to come, but I now have a drought of 3 weeks without an ultra marathon. Still, the 4 marathons I have later this week might help with that craving.

 

Frostbite 50

"Yorkshire Portions" are a warning they put on food up norf to prevent you from biting off more than you can chew. I ordered a "regular" fish and chips the night before the race and that was more than enough for me. Back in London I would have defintely ordered the large and an extra side of onion rings and still had room left over for a cheesecake at the end.

It would appear that the same warnings are needed for their running events too. On arriving at Whitby just north of the North Yorkshire Moors Gemma was badgering me about when to book dinner later that evening. It's 50 miles so on a good day that could be around 8 hours but if it's hard then it could be 12. I was joking about it taking 12 hours but on reflection I should have realised that it's only 50% extra, just like all the food they serve. The Easy bit

I signed up for the Frostbite 50 around the time when temperatures of -17C were being recorded up here and I wanted to know what proper cold felt like. The Moors are another place in the UK that shamefully I had yet to visit and a 50 mile race seemed like the perfect excuse for the long drive up to Whitby. This was a new "test" event for an new Ultra Marathon organising outfit in the UK called AdventureHub. They were very well organised, they even supplied the race briefing in Powerpoint format. That was the best Powerpoint presentation I have seem since my friends plan of his attempt on the Bob Graham Round next year (I am the fat one with a beer). There were only 50 places in total for this event and it was not advertised much as they wanted to trial it with a smaller number to see how it goes. Always happy to be a guinea pig when it comes to running lots and lots.

The morning was really quite sppoky, I was wandering around Whitby Abbey and the graveyards in the dark trying to find the start. It was in a nearby field and those vertical banners that say "something unusual going on here" and luckily there were toilets on site open from 7.30 (remember for next year). I tried to look as northern as possible (I don't really know which one I am, I think the North vs South divide has forsaken Leicester. You have it, no you have it) by wearing shorts. All but one guy (from Leeds) was wearing tights.

The route looked quite simple on the map. Start off with around 6 miles of coastal path, then around 4 miles of disused railtrack towards the moors then a few fields. The Marathon runners (or as people like to call it the "half") would come back whereas the ultra runners would head into the moors for a 24ish mile loop. The profile did not look too hilly so I was expecting to finish before dark.

The first 6 miles are along the beautiful Cleveland Way, everything you want from a coastal path; hills, steps, stiles, streams, a decent path and stunning views. Been a while since I've been on the coast for running and I do miss it. We had "good" weather conditions and the path was quite frozen so mud was not really a problem. The Marathon started 5 minutes before us to split us up a bit and soon we were catching them. No one really went for it at the start and I settled into a group of about 8 people who were setting the pace.

Early on I was running with David Miles who has practically the same race schedule as I do. It was good to get moving and warm and before long we came off the coastal path onto some track and into checkpoint 1 just outside of Robin Hood Bay. No one stayed too long and soon we were on the old railway and a really easy running path and i got chatting to another guy and a lady. A couple of things happened that happen quite often in these races. Firstly I was chatting to a chap called Richard Webster and inevitably we get on to discussing race CV's. His talk of the 6633 and mine of Badwater caused us to look at each other and say "We met in the UTMB". We did indeed meet there, after about 16 hours of arduous mountain climbing with a hangover. Small world. We were both pretty knackered back then but funny how we remember CV's and not faces. The Cleveland way near the start (and end)

Secondly I was asking the lady about the Trans-Slovenia race (it was on her top) and she was happy to chat away about it. Not long I realised it was none other than Sharon Gayter, a UK ultra running legend and still holds the fastest time for a Brit (male or female) at Badwater. It was great to be running in such company and as she was local I tried to stick to her to avoid getting lost and exchange stories.

The nice track ended and we were running into large fields with mud and gates and animals. A few hills here and there and we could see the runners of the marathon coming back from their turnaround. They were not that far ahead really, less than 2 miles which made me think we were going a little fast. I was tempted to shout "slackers" at them as they returned but decided not to, I needed the oxygen for the hills. CP2 was bang on 13 miles and took around 2 hours. Simple extrapolation meant that even at this pace we were looking at 8 hours at best, but we had just done the easy bit. 10 hours was more likely.

Gemma had booked the fish and chips for 8.15pm. The race started at 8am so realistically I had to finish under 11 hours to be able to get back to the hotel, shower and get to the restaurant. It would have been nice to finish in good time so that I could relax a bit and do the usual routine before eating but it was not essential. If I took too long so we missed the one time in 10 years where Gemma could have gluten free batter fish and chips I would never be forgiven.

The miles on the moors were hard. Almost straight after the 2nd CP we were on them and although they are not very hilly they were really hard work to run over. A very narrow path where the mud was so frozen that it was like running on bricks. There were footprints of the last people who came here, probably weeks ago, frozen into the ground. Thick ice covered any puddle but it was not quite thick enough to stop your feet falling right through and getting an icy blast of water right up your shorts. Looks refreshing when it's in some silly vitamin water advert but not on the freezing Yorkshire Moors.

It's amazing hwo quickly you can feel like you are in the wilderness. I was on an A road about an hour ago and now all I could see for miles was the harsh terrain and thick heathers that looked dead. I like to think about where I'd shelter or seek refuge in the event of an emergency and there was nowhere here to do that, no trees or large rocks or buildings to shelter near. I can fully understand why there was a more significant kit list than usually in a 50 miler. The paths seemed to go on indefinitely and I could still see all the runners ahead of me, including the leader who was over a mile away. It was like the never ending path in the Labyrinth (the film that you wonder how your parents allowed you to watch given how tight David Bowie's tights were). In the film I recall there was a snail to tell her that she could just walk through the walls and get to where she needed to be. There was no snail here though or even a wall, just miles of nothing.

This was the path we had to run on for miles and milesI worried about the fish and chips. The 3rd CP would not arrive and I send word that I was not even at 20 miles yet, 4.30 hours in. Alas it did come and I said to the marshall "please don't tell me this is 20 miles or something". In fact it was more like 24. Nearly half way in under 5 hours.  Phew, I might make it to the ball.

The Checkpoints were quite well loaded with stuff. Tea, coffee, soup, energy drink and water. Biscuits, sweets, pretzels and bread. You are supposed to carry enough food with you to "last the night" in the event of an emergency. I think you'd freeze to death before starving. I lost Sharon at CP3 who ran straight through whereas I caught up to David, Richard and another chap called Charles as I arrived at the CP. I stopped to get some soup and they marched on. I planned to keep them in sight as I did not know what page of the map we were on anymore, I was just following a line of people. Then I caught up to them at a junction were were not supposed to be at. We had gone too far and were off the maps we had been given which meant that we had to get the OS map out (1 of the 4 of us had one despite this being a compulsary item too). It took a while for us to figure out where we were and a detour through someones back garden and we were back on track.

After what was many hours the 4 of us ran together through some wonderful woods and into CP 4 where we found that the leaders were now about 40 minutes ahead. That diversion had cost us a bit of time and making the Fish and Chips seem less likely. If were were near the front and still likely to finish in the dark then what about everyone else? I wouldn't fancy being out on these moors in the dark, it's hard enough finding where you are in the light.

We hung around at the CP for a while before heading up what was the biggest climb of the run into somemore frostbitten fields of nothingness. We were supposed to follow the outside of a small forest and continue along the harsh track through the Heather. It was cooling down a fair bit so we tried to keep moving. I was really looking forward to the return to the familiar 13 mile stretch that would take us back home. CP5 was the same as CP2 only now had a lot more food at it. The guys there reminded me of my Fish and Chips appointment at 8.15 and that I would "probably" make it. It was starting to get dark and I didn't want to put on my head torch until I absolutely needed to.

We got lost again and went too far along some paths in the field and didn't really know where we were but knew we were now headed towards Robin Hood bay which we could see lit up in the fading light. Not sure whether we would end up arriving at the end of a cliff we cut across the moors to try to find a path that would lead us back to the bay. A bit of scrambling and then some road found us back onto the railtrack. Down the railtrack which became pitch black as it is covered by trees and it was a cloudy day.

We were running this race in "good" conditions. There was no wind, no rain, the temperature was cold but not as cold as it could have been. I was finding it much harder work than the Rotherham 50 in hideous condtions a few years back without really being able to figure out why. We got lost a little and I think added about 3 miles onto the 50, however it didn't feel like we should be going this slowly. It was the first time for a long time that I had run in the dark and it became harder. The ground beneath us was now fairly even but what was previously covered in ice had now defrosted and turned to mud, which made the plodding heavy. The 4 of us were the only ones for miles trecking along the coastline towards lighthouses in the distance.

Last CP, when I arrived one of the marshalls sprung into life to text Gemma that I was here and that dinner might still happen. It was about 6pm now, I had about 1.30 hours max to make it to the end, otherwise I'd have to have a wet-wipe shower. I wasn't too bothered my that, Ultra-runners are not too bothered by showers though I suspect Gemma would protest. This race was all about me getting to the Magpie Cafe on time. and miles and miles and miles

The last section was slow too as it was muddier than the start and made the hills hard work. Plus the darkness. With a slow plod we finally saw the ancient ruins of the old Whitby Abbey and then the car park and field of the finish. David, Richard, Charlie and I all crossed the line in joint 4th in about 11.30 hours, at 7.30, giving me 45 minutes to get back, shower and head for the food. Did I mention that? The winner did about 2 hours faster than us.

This really was a tough but most enjoyable race. Whitby and the Moors are great and definitely will consider coming back next year. I think the entry should be extended, it would probably have been easier for everyone if there were more people out on the moors, more people to read maps. There was a 14 hour cut-off which must have pushed a lot of people out though the marshalls were keen on staying behind and wanting everyone to finish. I don't know what the finish rates are at this point as they have not been released.

And the Fish and Chips were amazing :)

 

 

 

Ultra Race 90

45 miles on a Saturday and then again on a Sunday? This is all getting a bit routine. Well that is exactly what I want. In 5 months now (less than in fact) I need to be doing this without really thinking about it. I did it once last weekend and that was fine, let's see if I can step up to twice in two days.

Day 1

We had taken over the lobby of the Park Inn hotel in Northampton while Rory Coleman read out the fairly simple instructions for the race. Leave the hotel, turn right then head down to the canal, fairly easily. But just like last year those in front went straight ahead again and had to be shouted back onto the correct street.

The first mile is downhill through the busy streets of Northampton where we were nearly run over by a bus. The next 5 are on the Northampton arm of the Grand Union Canal and then it joins the main canal and head about 40 miles down to Tring. It's a route I've done quite a few times and the familiarity can make it more comfortable. Right now I am signing up to as many 50ish mile races as I can to get the practise at doing the distance. As soon as this becomes "easy" I will feel much better about the summer.

After the initial diversion we all made it to the canal alive and set off at quite an uncomfortable pace. There were 2 guys ahead who seemed intent of getting to Tring first whereas we settled into a second group but still going at quite a pace. Mark was insisting that the guy in the lead was Bob Brown, UK winner of the Trans USA race in 2004. "I was hoping he was a slow ultra shuffler like us". It would have been good to have run with him but if he is that fast then we would not be able to talk. It wasn't Bob after all but some German who was very fast at running.

For the second week running I was in a group with Mark C, Rob Treadwell and David Miles and this time Claire Shelley had joined us. I suggested to her that she should start a little faster so that she did not get caught up in the crowds early on (not really a problem in this race). She took this to mean she should run on ahead at great speeds and beast the lot of us.The Torture Stick - My camera phone broke so I can't get any proper photos but I figure I have enough photos of canals on here already

First Checkpoint was about 9 miles in and were were there in under 1.10. Way too fast. We had come off the canal for the Blissworth tunnel and telling Claire to watch out for this minor diversion for the GUCR later in the year. Back onto the canal and through the lovely Stoke Bruene where you inevitably get into a conversation about "where are you running to and where did you start?" It's hard to do more than just shout one word as you are running past. It's fun to see peoples reactions when you tell them how far you are going. It's funnier when it's London you are running to and you are still in the Midlands.

There are a couple of confusing bridge crossings in the race. It's no big dea if you go wrong as you will soon come to a dead end and see your mistake. Mark and I were running a bit further back from CLaire, Rob and David who made such a mistake. They crossed a bridge that they were not supposed to and we carried on, crossing a road and onto the path again. Mark decided against telling them and let them go wrong :) It meant we could have a bit of a breather and perhaps it will stick in Claire's mind more when she comes back here in May. We only had her best interests at heart. Honestly.

The pace slowed after around the marathon stage which was good as I really did not want to spank myself on the first day too much only to not be able to walk the next day. It's hard to guage how hard you shoudl go on a two day event such as this and I reckon you should not go too easy, give it 90% or something. There is a balance between going fast and having more recovery time and going slow and having less. Plus more hours on your feet can be more damaging. Speaking to Rob he suggested that in training I should try and run these kinds of races as well as I can rather than going for a deliberate 4 mile an hour plod. I can't imagine keeping this going for 70 days.

With about 10 to go Mark shot off, I think he mentioned something about the Tesco in Leighton Buzzard being a psychological lift and as soon as he saw that he was off. Claire was in hot pursuit but I warned her against really going for it as Mark was wimping out of the second day whereas we had to run again tomorrow. Mark has a 24 hour track race around a 390m indoor track in Finland next week so can perhaps forgive him for not running back up the canal on sunday. Mark finished in 3rd.

We slowed quite a bit towards the end but still passed a few people who had also set out too fast. I was trying badly to guess how far we had to go using the canal markers. The mile markers were from Braunstone Locks which is 44 miles into the GUCR from Birmingham. I knew Tring was 100 miles into the GUCR so all I had to do for each mile marker was to subtract the 44 from 100, then deduct whatever the mile post would say and that is how far we have left (plus another couple of miles). Who needs a Garmin?.

After the Grand Junction Arms pub in Tring (and the milestone with 56 on it) I knew there was a further 2 miles to go and when this finally came Claire sprung back into life and became a dot in the distance. She managed to not even get lost in the final road sections of the run and into the Pendley Manor for the finish. 7.14 and Claire was the first girl.

Recovery Time

This bit is going to be the most important when I head to the States in the Summer. The hours between finishing on one day and starting another are going to be as important as the running itself. I might not get much time to do this. The normal thing I would do after this is to slump into a chair in a bar and start drinking and eating crap. I figured this is a great opportunity to start practicing a recovery "routine" which this time involved a lot of protien (Pepparami and milkshakes), stretching and rubbing myself all over the legs with one of these evil sticks.

I found it hard to sleep despite not having much sleep the night before and having run 47 miles. It's stange because there were times where I felt like I could have gone to sleep during the run, cerainly before the run too. Perhaps I should include powernapping into my race strategy?

Whatever I did seemed to work because I woke up feeling mostly fine (though a little tired still) and ready to tackle another 45(47) miles.

Day 2

There were supposed to be 80 people at the start today but I think it ended up being half of that. Quite a few only intended to do the 1 day but then quite a few decide not to start the second. This time last year I was in the DNS day 2 camp and sadly watched all the runners leave at this time. I was very glad to be a the start in shorts this time.

I was even more glad to spot Bob Brown before we set off. He was not the guy Mark pointed out the day before. It was great to talk to him and I badgered him for as much advice as I could when we ran together for a bit. The man who ran across America and has won the GUCR while sponsored by Ginsters was telling me everything I wanted to hear. It was great. Some gems included;

  • These runs are perfect training for this and doing as many 50ish milers at weekends is great
  • You get fitter and faster as the race progresses
  • Most of those who drop out do so in the first 2 weeks so take it easy then
  • Get sponsorship from local companies (as he did with Ginsters). Perhaps I should try to play on my Leicester roots and get sponsored by Crisps, Pork Pies and Orange Cheese?
  • Only a month after finishing in New York he went to Dublin, had 24 pints of Guinness in the 2 days before the Marathon and then set a pb. And it felt easy.

It was a joy talking to him and he is such an understated guy. I imagined he might appear with some sort of fanfare about his comprehensive list of achievements but there is none of that, he remained invisible for most of the weekend. Really pleased to meet and speak to him and said that I will see him in the GUCR later in the year. It's going to be an awesome race, Pat Robbins will have his work cut out as Rob Treadwell looks in great form. I have not decided yet what I am going to do when get there yet, either crew for someone or help in the race. I might even be able to drive by then.

Anyhoo Claire was suffering a bit due to the exertions from yesterday and I was more than happy to run walk the race as I was in no rush. We were still doing a good pace, around 8ish hours and the only thing that was important was that we did not miss our train. If we had time to go to Nandos in Northampton at the end that would be a bonus.

It did feel a little odd running up the canal a different way, kind of fresh but still familiar. The 2nd placed lady had passed us early in the race and we assumed she'd finish way ahead. In fact she onyl finished around 10 minutes before us so she must have slowed a lot too. I was running ahead of Claire and then I'd start walking when I could not see her anymore. She kept telling me to go on but I was worried about her getting lost and going to Birmingham or something. While we were running we were actually running quite fast and quite well. There were plenty of walking breaks but the majority of the runners today have deliberate walking breaks and we were still passing people quite often. Food of champions.

The checkpoints were all in the same places as the day before and stocked with magic flapjacks that worked wonders. There was a minor diversion for a fishing contest. There are so many fishermen trying to fish things out of the canal, I can't imagine anything being able to live in there. I bet there is one fish and all of the 40 or so fishermen are trying to catch that one fish and be the winner. There was also some posh people dressed as idiots doing some hare coursing (I thought that was illegal?) and the hare ended up running into the water. The strange and pointless hobbies some people have. I had plenty of time to think about this as I continued my 47 mile sloppy run up a canal towpath.

Claire was doing brilliantly to hang in there and still maintain a good pace. At Stoke Bruerne and just before the next checkpoint we were met by Drew who (on reading my facebook update about Ginsters) gave me a Pasty. "Don't worry, it only cost me 15p because it was out of date". I destroyed it while walking up the hill to the CP. Back onto the road and then canal again and then a run into Northampton.

It was hardly like running into Paris or London or Athens or Chamonix. It was hard to figure out where Northampton starts and the green fields with the occasional factory ends. We were looking out for a Calsberg Brewery which was the point at which we turned off into the streets and headed back to the hotel. Near the end Drew popped up again with Jo (who ran an amazinf 37 minute 10k that morning) and then later Mark and Alex appeared.

With no major traffic incidents we headed up to the hotel and finished in 8.30. Under 16 hours for the 2 days is pretty good going. Claire won overall for the 2 days and was 2nd on day to and got given another trophy to take home. She did not have much space in her bag with the hair straightners she carries everywhere. I headed towards the shower (yes, breaking the ultra-runners code that we should be stinky and muddy at all times) and on the way saw Bob again sinking a pint of Guinness. I did the same and saw Trin come in with another great run.

Great event from Rory and Jen. This is part of a championship where you can score points and all that. Rory asked if I was going to be at the London Ultra in a month or so and I said I couldn't because I have a 12k to run. Seems like a silly excuse but it is the National Cross Country Championships. I have a good chance of coming last.

We had more than enough time to go to Nandos which was great. My legs stilll felt in good shape and this along with the conversations with Bob has given me more confidence about the summer. I just need to repeat this weekend another 34 times...

 

Country to Capital 2011

Not the muddiest fieldIt seemed fitting to do my "100th Marathon" somewhere like this. It was the closest race to my first proper ultra back in 2007, when I did not know anyone at the startline and there was a real sense of not knowing what was going to happen. 4 years on I've done a few of these things and now the main concern was finishing in good enough time to get some good drinking done in the pub. I chose this as the 100 as it was local, involved canal, was as close as I could get to my first ultra and thought it was my best bet of getting a load of friends along to join me (either running or drinking) on a winter Saturday afternoon. I managed to balls up the numbers though and this was actually my 101st. I accidentally did a marathon a couple of weeks ago cos I was bored (I'm a bit clumsy like that). Still, those who were signed up couldn't back out now.

I've come to know quite a few people who do this kind of thing now too. It's great to know that I can turn up to these things and always know loads of the people there, just like walking into the Wargrave Arms on a Wednesday night or in the Subway on Tottenham Court Road any day of the week. It was hard to move without getting involved in a conversation, so much so that I never made it to the pile of bacon sandwiches at the back of the pub we were all gathered in. I had banked on having one of those before the start. This could be catastrophic.

The race started a bit late because about 50 people came up from London on a train that got there about 10 minutes before the start. The train was full of runners, I've never seen such a thing outside of Switzerland. There were the usual looks of suspicion from the "normal" people wondering why so many men and women in skin tight black clothing with pipes sticking out of their bags were shamelessly lubricating themselves in the vestibules of the 7.27 from Marylebone. That is a proper posh train station too, it's the only terminal station in London that does not have a Burger King in.

It was around 8 degrees and wet underfoot but not raining. We were told that these were the best conditions the race has ever been run in. I recall last year the drizzle at the start (that turned into rain) and the snow covered paths and icy water you could not help but wade through. The start was the usual, everyone setting out like it was a 10k. All of the pre-race agreements of "I'll run with you or try to keep you in sight etc etc" quickly disappeared as everyone fled like rabbits fleeing from a gunshot. I ran on ahead a little bit to join the madness. It can be helpful to shoot out at the start if it means having to queue less at the stiles early on. Still, it leaves you panting like a fat sweaty asthmatic just 1 mile into an ultra.

I tried to keep Drew in sight who I think was determined to beat Claire and setting out fast. He had also cheated the week before by recceing the course. Reccing IS CHEATING. I'll make a T-Shirt. He was easy to catch cos he was walking up the hills already in his silly calf socks. I yelled at him for walking uphill already (it's only allowed when everyone else is doing it or no one is looking). Rob Westaway was in a rush to get to the canal because he loves them so much and he just ran on.

First checkpoint, no meat based snacks yet but just grabbed a couple of jelly babies and ran on, trying to keep up with the people who knew the way but I lost them in a pursuit through Chesham. Here I caught up with Natalie Vendette who missed the start of the race and started at CP1. She was debating all week about buying some fancy GPS gadget which she was wearing, telling her her heart rate, ambient temperature, blood glucose level and average pace but unfortunately these £300 devices are not advanced enough to tell you what the actual time is and therefore she missed her train.

Robert Treadwell looking at which way to go. Mark probably re-touching his makeup.I chatted to her a bit and then Rob Treadwell, David Miles and Mark Cockbain caught up and Rob was a better map reader than me so went along with them. There was another Serpie there who I didn't know but quickly discovered it was John Hudspith. Doing his first run of over 30 miles. The route got a lot muddier through the fields, we ran through a paddock with all those horse jumpy things. I cleared all the jumps whereas Mark clipped one. I really need to get onto the race organisers about that, he should get a 10 second time penalty or something. Our mucking about didn't impress a horse in the field who made a bolt for the gate as we opened it and we had to scramble over the railings to get out but keep the horse in. I laughed as I thought of that horse eating Claire Shelley later on.

CP2 is outside a pub and it would have just opened, it was about 11.15. We were making good time and looking forward to hitting the canal. The beautiful fields, trees, horses, donkeys, emus (yes emus), pretty villages and nice buildings were all getting a bit too much. I was having sensory overload that only starting at a long brown body of water could fix. Shortly before getting to the motherland we ran through Denham (very posh) and got excited about passing Roger Moore's house. I don't know exactly why I think it's Roger Moore's house, whether someone told me last year or whether I just made it up. It was massive with about 4 Rolls Royces outside.

Anyway, soon we were back on the canal, and all was good again.

We still stuck in the group of about 6 of us and headed down towards the left turning that signals only 13 miles to go. Someone always misses this every year and is hilarious for all but the person who actually does it. It seems that all Brit ultra runners are having a go at the Spartathlon this year and we discussed that a little. It's going to be great, if you are reading this and have not signed up yet then do it now. It's going to fill up. Forms are here.

45 is the magic number now. 45 is the average number of miles I have to run each day in the States. Sometimes it's more, sometimes less. I need to get myself confortable with this distance and this was feeling mostly comfortable. I don't plan on running any 45 mile stage in 7 hours when I get out there, more like 10. I was quite pleased about how I was feeling here and that I was getting stronger towards the end. Mark did point out though that we'd be doing the same again tomorrow and the next day and the next day and etc. At least there will be no mud in the States.CANAL :)

Turn left just before Toys R us and just a half marathon to go, around 2 hours. Rob was running on ahead, stopping to wait, taking photos and then running on ahead again. We passed Henk's bridge (CP 9 in the GUCR) where in the GUCR you'd be met by a sleep deprived Henk who offers his unique brand of encouragement to those who have done 133 miles and only have 12 left. There were the usual mentals who feed the geese and ducks from huge sacks of bread and they can be a challenge to fight through.

I got faster in the last 10 and lost the others. I caught back up with Rob Westaway who seemed to be enjoying the canal a lot. Drew was also just ahead looking quite feverish having consumed 16 energy gels in the race. Surely he knows that the "consume every 15 minutes" thing they put on the packet is just marketing bullshit to get you to buy more? I also passed Tim Adams about 3 miles from the end, it seemed everyone had set out too fast, or just wanted to spend more time with the canal.

I finished in 6.47, about 20 minutes quicker than last year which is promising as it might mean I am in better shape than last year (though still too fat). Mark Braley, Jon Hoo and Dave Ross were already at the finish and dressed already. I hung around to watch Tim, Drew, Rob, Rob, Mark and David finish and headed to the pub to get a few pints down me before Gemma was due to finish. She did in 8.23, about 2 hours faster than she thought she would. It was just getting dark as she, Mark Bell, Carrie Doyle, Mel Ross and Daniel (who gave me a bottle of whiskey at the start in celebration but I decided not to drink it at the start) all came in. All of them had only wonderful things to say about the canal.

Back into the pub for more drinking and Steak and chips. Then off to the other pub for even more drinking and another steak and chips. It was a great day, such a convenient finish location and made me more excited about watching the GUCR later this year. 45 miles done without too much bother. Can I do it again for another 69 days? Without Canal? Hmmmmm

 

Winter Tanners 2011

This run is hard enough. 30 miles of hills and steps of the Surrey countryside. Add to the the miserable weather in the days beforehand leading to the very muddy conditions. Oh and what's that? I'm going to have to do all the instruction reading because I am running with Claire Shelley who couldn't find her way out of a car park in Portsmouth? Oh, and what's that? She has some sort of suicide bunny instinct for trying to get killed outdoors? I had my work cut out.

The sky was as blue as I have ever seen it. We've had a "bad" winter where some snow fell which caused chaos.  A plane was cancelled, some people got stuck on a train and one of my Christmas cards turned up late. I am exagerating of course, I didn't get any Christmas cards. Anyway many races suffered cancellations as the usual spate of health and saftey Nazism  encouraged us all to stay indoors and wait for the elders to tell us what to do while at the same time moaning at the makers of roads for not making them ice proof. Fortunately that had all blown over and it was a practically tropical 4 degrees at the start. This event was officially cancelled last year however lots of people turned up anyway to do it. I've never known a non-French ultra to surrender to the weather. The LDWA don't normally do that kind of thing. "At your own risk" is their middle name. No actually it's "Distance Walkers". But you get the idea.

Anyhoo, Winter Tanners. Turn up an a carpark in Leatherhead whenever (preferably between 7-9.30am), fill in a form and hand over a fiver and then you get given a number and a route description that in theory leads you on a beautiful circuit of Surrey before ending up in the same car park some hours later. The only things stopping us were a lot of stiles, some mud, many significant climbs and Running Induced Dyslexia. There were a few steps

I set out of the carpark with Claire, Teresa (doing her first ultra), Alex and Gemma and Jany who were both doing the 20. I ran fast at the start so as to get past the kissing gates before Gemma got there (they just slow me down). Past the Football Club where the summer Tanners starts and the Mole Barn. Pretty soon we are in the woods but are made to divert from the original route because of flooding. Luckily there is a special paragraph for that.

The run the instructions warned us of 191 steps to descend, these are the ones we go up and down twice in the Picnic Marathon (A hilariously diffficult marathon held in June every two years). Not long until we were in muddy fields and Claire was trying to get herself killed, firstly by running into an electric fence. I saw the big yellow sign "Electric Fence" seemingly suspended in mid air but obviously it was held up by a couple of electric wires. I had to yell at her to stop her running straight into them. Did she not wonder why everyone else was climbing a stile? Looking behind me I could see the massive chalk ridge that we had just come down, it looked amazing.

First checkpoint was in a car park after around 9 miles, it took us 2 hours to get there nad shortly before we ran into Kevan and Liz from the Serpies who were doing the 20. This checkpoint is where the 20 and the 30 go in completely opposite directions. At the CP I saw Dave Ross and Phillip who had caught up to us. The food was fairly basic (can't argue for a fiver), juice and biscuits. About a mile from the checkpoint we bumped into a guy running the other way asking us if we were doing the 30. He was doing the 20 but had set off with the 30 people. We said he may as well do the 30 as he was going to run 30 miles anyway with that kind of navigation skill.

Claire, Dave, Phil and I ran together for a while with me in charge of reading. It was quite a responsibility but I was doing OK I think, I don't recall going wrong. The instructions I think were the best I had seen in such an event, perhaps even too good. "Turn Left at track, 9Y ahead from Bridge and 11Y before road". Who has measured all this to the yard? Sometimes the instructions would switch measurements which confused all the Garmin people, from Yards, meters and miles. When it told us to run ahead 750 yards we'd get into a debate about how far 750 yards was. "Nah, it can't be this track cos we have not gone half a mile yet", "But 750 yards is less than half a mile?", "Is it? How far is a yard?" "Less than a meter", "Oh. Then what's a furlong?".

Shortly before the second CP we caught up with Hillary Walker who was (like everyone else) using a nice muddy hill as an excuse to walk. A quick chat about my America thing and Hilary suggested I treat it as a 9-5 job where I have to think that running is my job. I suspect there will be plenty of overtime when I get out there and I'll probably have to work through lunch too.

A bit later up the muddy hill there was an adolescent Horse (dunno what the proper word is) who was kicking around then then scared Claire back down the hill. I need to get some sort on instant camera to capture these events. The amazing climb up to Leith Hill was included on the route with it's very recognisable tower that sells ice cream. I was happy to wait in the queue for one but Claire was determined to press on and finish before the other Serpies who had started after us. Boring.

At CP 2 we bumped into Paula who seemed to be keeping up a good pace. I delved into some of the food I brought along with me. Sainsbury's were doing a half price deal on basically everything you need to eat for ultrarunning. Sausage rolls, pepparami, jelly babies, energy drink, milkshake. We pressed on and sent Paula down a long hill before calling her back to say that the turning was right here. It wasn't deliberate, honest.

More stunning scenery and a lot more mud which Claire tried her best to drown in. Just before the third CP there is a massive climb, over a railway up a hill into the forest and then up 100 steps or so. We had rejoined the slackers doing the 20 miles. The climb is beautiful but very hard. Regular Tanners veterans were saying that this was the hardest they has ever made it. Possibly due to the discontinuation of the Summer Tanners now.

I met Anna Gilmore for the first time at CP3 and then bumped into Martin Illot and Lawrence who I had met in the Spartathlon last year. MArtin made me laugh with a quote in his Spartathlon race report where he said "Pain is temporary, a commemorative perspex block depicting ancient greek runners lasts forever". It was good to see them again.

Behind us there was another team of Serpies being led my Alan Hall who I was sure were going to come up charging past us. They were all about twice as fast as me and Alan is about 50 times the navigator I am and thought that the half an hour we had ahead of them would not be enough and they would hunt us down like one of those pretend fox hunts that happens around this time of year. In the end they didn't which means my navigation was obviously awesome. Finished in just over 6 hours.

SO glad I got out of bed to do this. I recommend anything with Tanners in the title, and hope that the summer one will be back soon.

Enigma Marathon

It does not suprise me that the famous German code breaking machine was broken here. The people of Bletchley have to solve riddles just to get about the town. I have never seen so many roundabouts and underpasses in such a small area before. I was up and down underpasses like a confused rabbit, not entirely sure which direction I was facing as I tried to find my way to from the station to the start. Google maps said it was about 2 miles and 3 roundabouts for me to cross. In fact it was at least 10, including lots of double roundabouts. I don't even know why they exist? For people who change their mind after the first one and want to go back? If Google Maps has forsaken this place then I have no chance.

Anyhoo, I managed to get to the start just in time for the start of Dave "Foxy" Bailey's race. I decided to do it at the last minute to help burn off some of the Christmas podge. Foxy seems to be organising these marathons as if they were Parkruns. Turn up at the lake anytime and chances are there will be a marathon on. Awesome. Just wish he lived in Ealing. Me and a very sweaty sleepy Geordie

The route was pretty simple, a little out and back to start with and then 7 laps of lake Caldicote. It's been a while since I have done a multi-lap race but I was looking forward to it as lapped races can be a different and still enjoyable running experience.

We set off and immediately 5 runners formed a lead group. They all had about half as much clothing on as the rest of us so probably had to keep moving to avoid shivering to death. I settled in a comfortable paced second group and chatted to Mark about the usual stuff, "are you going to take 20 pairs of trainers to the States next year or buy them on the way" and "In New York you can access lots of the attractions for free if you are in a wheelchair which is cool cos we will be in one".

The lap was fairly straightforward, starting at the car park run around the end to a bridge, round and through some woods then under the A5 careful not to bang your head on it, then past some flats with confused looking geese and ducks wondering why they could not swim in the ice. Then over a bridge with a dog poo in the middle then back around, under the A5 again and past a windmill and a sign for the Comfort Inn (rooms from £29) and then onto the end of the lap where Dave would lie about how many you still had to run. Then all that again. Simple.

The second lap was much like the first except some fishermen were getting in the way by sticking their rods into a pond that was not even part of the lake. Seriously what can anyone catch in a dirty puddle.

The third lap was similar except that towards the end I stopped for a bit and Mark ran on ahead. I assumed I would catch him later.

The fourth lap was much the same again except my arse was really hurting and had to stop to stretch it a bit. Mark had gone on further but I was still sure I'd be able to catch him.

The fifth lap was probably the most exciting. A dog leaped into the freezing cold lake and was paralysed in there and had to be rescued. It was one of those pointless small yappy dogs that really should be a cat anyway. Later on I noticed that someone had trodden in the poo. Who was it? I then got barked at by some more dogs which perked me up a bit.

The sixth lap was exciting too. I got lapped for the first time by Gobi who was jogging and chatting his way through a 3ish hours marathon. He stopped to chat (when I say stop I mean ran at my pace) for a minute then went off. When I finished the lap Mark was now on the other side of the lake and there was no way I was going to catch him. Me trying in vain to unlap myself against Gobi. Thanks Rach for the Photos :)

The seventh lap was a a farewell to all the wonderful things I had seen several times that day. The A5, The arse end of a tesco warehouse, the 2 very confused swans on the ice who didn't realise that just around the corner there were loads of them swimming, the windmill and the now flatter dog poo. It's like they had become my friends along the way round. Mark was now as visible as a Geordies coat, I met Ruth and Anna and tried not to look too smug that I was doing my last lap and the sign for the Comfort Inn was now £34. Some Fetchie as I passed her said she was admiring the view. Was she talking about the lake or my arse?

Overall it was a great event and a great chance to catch up with some people I had not seen for a while. Although laps may sound boring they are actually quite easy and almost hypnotic. Familiarity with the wonderful objects such as windmills and dog poo seems to make them go quicker. 3.39 in total and hurting much more than 26.2 flat miles should. I had only really decided to do this the day before though. I blame Christmas. Stupid Santa, I wish you were never born. Hopefully I'll be in better shape come Feb, when I shall be running this marathon 4 times in 4 days. Hope Dave has cleared up the dog poo by then :)

 

 

 

 

The Bunion Derby

On March 4th in 1928 199 runners set out from Los Angeles to race to New York and claim a prize of $25,000 for first place. That was quite a lot of money at the time, a policeman would earn about $40 a week. In fact that is still a lot of money now, I estimate that is what it will cost me to do this.

I first heard about this race by reading The Bunion Derby, a fantastic book about the race (link goes to google preview). It is an account based on newspaper reports spanning the 84 days and 3400 miles of the race. Things were very different then.

The twenties in the USA was in interesting decade. An economic boom and huge rises in personal income for many which led to some crazy behaviour. Drinking alcohol was illegal and people expressed themselves in funyn ways, such as by 24 hour dancing, week long flag pole sitting and swimming for days. People seemed to go mad for the endurance challenges.

Charlie C Pyle, more of a circus promoter than an endurance enthusiast saw this as an opportunity to make his name (and some money do doubt as was the theme at the time) by promoting what he called "The Greatest Show on Earth" (he was a modest chap). He offered a large prize for runners who (for $100 deposit) could run along the newly built (and in many parts not quite built) Route 66 from LA to Chicago and then across to New York. Strangely enough it probably seemed like a fairly normal thing to do 70 years ago, more so than now.

I don't want to go into detail of the book (or spoil the ending) and I recommend you all read it and I challenge you to not want to follow their footsteps on finishing the book. There are however a few things that just stood out for me when reading.

  • It was a proper race. Not much I do nowadays seems like a proper race but these guys all seemed to be there in hope of winning the money. Most of the competitors were quite poor and scraped the $100 somehow and gambled with 3 months of their lives that they could win this
  • They were actually running quite fast. Quite often I'd read something like "So and so won the 38 mile stage averaging 8 miles an hour". 8 miles an hour for 38 miles when you've already run 2000? That would be the kind of time I would do if I just tried to run that distance once at full speed and did not have to get up for the next week.
  • America is enormous. Well, not just the distance but the geography that you have to run through. The route goes through the hottest desert, mountain ranges, great plains where the winds are so bad that trees grow sideways.
  • Everyone was so young. There were a lot of people in their 20s. There was one kid who was 15 and got halfway before this was discovered and he was kicked out. There were not many over 40. Next year there will be not many under 40.
  • I actually found out what a bunion is. I thought it was like a callous or something but it is actually quite severe muscle contortion in the foot. I don't want to get that.
  • The winning time was 573h 4m 34s. That is a long long time. And why on earth were they measuring the seconds?

Global Positioning

It was a cold winter this year. You almost felt sorry for those poor people stood outside doorways in pubs shivering as they got their fix. They were killing themselves in more ways than one now since they were forced to smoke outside. However I saw the exact same thing outside the Seymour Centre every Wednesday night. However these Serpies were not smoking, they had their arms raised like they were asking teacher if they can go to the toilet. But they didn't need the toilet, they were in fact asking for permission to run. Permission from some orbiting satelite to tell them they could start. Icicles would form around their frozen faces as the "signal" bar crawled up to 100% and then suddenly "Beeeeep" and these ice sculptures would splutter into life.

WTF happened on mile 7??????

I bought one of the first GPS devices back in the days where I thought the key to running happiness was to have every inch of it graphable. It was fairly poor by todays standards. It would often lose signal and would switch itself off after 5 minutes if there was no contact with the Starship Enterprise which meant I had to look at it constantly. In doing so I would run into people and for the first 10 runnings of the "Tower Bridge" run I completely missed this amazing bridge in London that has towers on it. It got better though, future models would hold signal better so that you only had to look at them when it beeps at you, declaring that you have run another mile and causing a funny reflex where you involutarily elbow the person on your left in the face.

The best bit was not the running though, it was the things you could do on a computer with your run afterwards. Plug your watch into your PC and all of a sudden your run becomes interesting. Pounding the trails or roads is boring and futile at the best of times but now your effort has a purpose, you can draw charts and graphs and analyse data. Brilliant. You can also be part of the scintilating conversations at the end of a run where you spew out numbers a the end to each other. "Yeah, mine was 7.32, 7.35, 7.21, 7.45 bugger, 7.32, 7.31". Splendid.

One day as I stared at a funny slug like object on my screen that resembled the path of my run and questioned why mile 7 seemed slower even thought the HR and elevation suggested it should be quicker I wondered whether I had missed the point of this sport. I remembered the days where I'd just go out and run because it feels nice. Now I can't seem to leave the house without something tracking my ever step, as if I need proof that I went outside. I had to ask myself "do I run for fun or do I run as a means to collect data?" If it's the latter then surely there are better ways? I could just stand outside and pretend to be a family fortunes researcher. I asked 100 people "what should I do with my life instead collecting pointless data?"

The watch went into the drawer and I decided to run whenever I liked and not when some beeping device told me too. It was risky, I mean how could I prove that I even went for a run? If I was audited how could I ever have the evidence that I didn't just sit on my backside watching TV? My own testimony would not stand up in court like a good pace graph would. I was treading dangerously.

However on relieving myself of the slavery of the wrist computer I felt like I has been released from prison (those things look remarkably similar to ASBO tags). My arm felt so much lighter having ditched the voluntary electronic tagging device. No longer did I have to let some virtual man beat me around some route, beeping with derision should I fall behind. I could just run as far and as fast as I felt like and could even look at things along the way. My mind could wander onto things so much more important than whether my heart-rate was staying within 80% while I ascended a 6% incline at 7.10 minute miles on mile 7 of my 15 mile circuit. Oh look, a squirrel.I felt more alive when I ditched the running laptop

I have not worn a watch in a run or race since. I can occasionally guess the miles in a race by the deafening crescendo of beeping from those all around me and the jerking of elbows swinging up to the left. I can run when I want, stop when I want and no longer get wound up if a 5 foot detour threatens the shape of a graph in a few hours time. I was in a race in summer where I had no idea how long I had been running, how far or even what country I was in. It was a magical feeling that I will remember forever and not one that I will re-live by looking at a bunch of numbers. I'd hate to think what I might have missed in the Alps or the deserts or the English countryside because I was too busy staring at liquid crystals. I don't need my computer to tell me whether I've had a good run or not, I decide that for myself.

I don't think I'll ever go back to that kind of captivity. I'm enjoying the running too much. I do love to ask users of such devices "what's the time". It's hilarious how they frantically press buttons on there watch only to tell me that they don't know, but that I have just raised their cholestrohol level.

And I giggled (perhaps harshly) at a friend who trying to avoid the situation in the first paragraph had his £300 device stolen from his garden wall while leaving it to gain signal.

"But can't you track where he is? I thought that was the point of those things".

"Only if he plugs it into his computer and uploads the stats"

"Well then, you just have to sit back and wait. With that kind of speedy running he is sure to upload it. The graph will be awesome".

Portsmouth Marathon

For some reason I had in my head that this was a road marathon. Not sure why as the race info made no such suggestion. I guess I still had Luton on my mind which is never a great thing to happen. Luton (that I have entered 5 times and not even started yet) was cancelled for the second time in 3 years due to ice. Now I hear they are moving it 3 weeks forward into November so that this is less likely to happen. Trouble is that November has some quite cool events like the Druids Challenge, Pembroke Challenge, Cornwall Marathon and so forth and so it's unlikely I'll ever do Luton again if there is something more glamorous on that weekend. And on the subject of glamorous, Portsmouth.

Has I have known that this was mostly off road I would not have queued for the toilets so much. There were about 300 people shivering around the startline. I caught up with a few friends beforehand though I barely recognised Drew Sheffield is his slinky little purple dress. I later discovered that it was the running vest of the Wootton Runners. Whilst chatting to Jany and the Paynes at the start we seemed to miss the starting gun (or whistle or shout or bong or whatever it was). We saw the mass of people shift forward and figured that we should start running too. Lovely Sludge - Thanks Ruth Emma Benzira for the Photo

I stuck with Ian and Nick for the first few miles which were on the promenade and then into some mud. There was not too much of it and the weather had been kind again over the previous few days to not make it too muddy. We have been really lucky with dry races so far this winter, I can only imagine that this will change when the ultra races start proper again in Jan. I saw Cleo Oliver for the first time in well over a year and she welcomed me to her "local" marathon. I said she should come and run my local marathon in Leicester. I never tire of telling the story about how my Leicester marathon nearly ended after just 2 miles after slipping over on a kebab. It wasn't mine by the way.

I managed to keep up with Nick and Ian and Claire for most of the first half. Ian and Lucy had to be done quick so that they could get back to watch a Bournemouth football game. I remember Lucy's exact words last week when she said "I'm not f****g about, 4 hours then we are out of there". Claire, Gus, Jany and I also had to get a move on as it was our running club's Xmas party that night. Everyone was in such a rush that we forgot to enjoy the beautiful scenery of Portsmouth.

Ian informed me that we passed the 6 mile marker in exactly 45 minutes which according to my calculation was an average of 7.30 minute miles. Now, I make a general rule in reading race reports or listening to people that I stop reading/listening on the third mention of the phrase "minute mile", however I may break that horribly here as for the first time in ages I felt like I was in some sort of race. I had no phone for facebook, no camera, there were no sausage rolls or any other excuse to hang around at checkpoints and it was bloody freezing and I was in just shorts and a vest. Had no choice really.

It was quite a straighforward course with no real difficulty in direction. About 3 miles of promenade, a few miles of coastal path and a little shingle and then a long stretch to 13 miles of hard trail where you could see the runners coming back in the other direction. On the approach to half way I saw the leader and the 2nd placed guy quite a way ahead of third. Dave Ross was the first person I recognised on the way up to half way and I later discovered that he and his wife Mel have both just got places for the Western States 100. It would be great to see them next year as they plan on being in Vegas around the same time as I will for the LANY race.

I made the turn at halfway at about 1.38, still feeling like I could keep that pace up even though I have not run that fast for a year. I high-fived everyone as I ran back the other way, scoring 8 out of 8 perfectly I think. I decided not to do Claire as I was worried she would fall over. I started to wonder when to have an energy gel and then I started to wonder even more about when I last even wondered about when to have an energy gel. I used to panic about such things, do I take it after 15.7 miles or 16.2? How many should I have? 3? 5? This time I just had 2 in my pockets and took the first after about 16 when a water station arrived. Only 6 months out of date. F**k this is boring. Typical Trail - Thanks Ruth again

I didn't see the rest of the guys again. I think Claire stopped off for a date with Elliott Loohire. Is that even a real name? I can imagine young Elliott trying to find his way in life. The tanning salon didn't work out, the Fish & Chip shop probably didn't work out too. Just as he was about to give up on running hs own business he had an inspirational idea, perhaps people could hire things from me? But what?

Anyhoo, I assumed Claire would spring past me with a smile on her face as she so likes to do in these things, Drew did say at the end he tried to give her a chocolate flavoured Gu gel that he knows makes her sick. Ian I think was in need of several dates with Elliott and Nick had fallen back as he had not run too far recently. We joked at the start about the usual question "How far is a marathon?" I think he forgot.

My body behaved itself mostly and the runners knee came and went throughout but I managed to ignore it towards the end as I was distracted by my own heavy fat breathing. I was overtaking people pretty constantly over the second half and don't recall getting overtaken apart from a woman and her dog near the end. I was pleased as this meant that I was probably keeping a fairly constant pace or perhaps even running faster. I did feel a little wobbly during miles 18-24 which apparently is normal in a marathon. I'd normally respond to this by slowing down and having a sandwich but it did not feel right here so I just leaned forward a bit and made sure that if I did wobble then at least I'd go forwards.

Some Shingle -Thanks again Ruth :)It's a great marathon for a speedy finish. The last 2 miles being on the promenade again and allowing you to put your foot down. I did and ran through the finish funnel and was presented with a voucher for a free burger, awesome. I had no idea at that stage what time I had done and to be honest didn't really care. However since then I have thought about it a bit. It was not super fast, around 3.20 but that was the fastest I have sustained 26.2 miles for a long time and given that I am a bit out of shape (85.2kg is quite fat even for me) I was pleased. I grabbed the burger and wandered over to watch the others finish while sporting my foil blanket (feeling like a proper marathon runner).

Claire bounced in. I yelled at Drew and the guy he was running with that there was only 1 burger left which caused a sprint finish. It was strange watching all these people finish as usually they are the ones waiting for me. It was not much harder than a flat road marathon overall.

This was a great first showing of the Portsmouth Marathon and I imagine I'll be back next year to do it. I'd be lying if I said it was the prettiest of them all but it was well organised, lots of water stops and a burger van at the end. The weather was kind and I am told that the norm is for heavy wind and rain/mud. That would make it a lot harder.

Anyhoo, since then I am getting a load of sarcastic comments about being fast (yes the "s" is supposed to be in there). Hardly deserved really with 3.20 or whatever. I am actually quite curious as to what my exact time was to see whether it was less than 7.30 minute miles and

Oh shit. Boring. I just broke my own rule. You can stop reading now.

 

 

Gatliff 2010 - The Revenge

Over the past few years the Serpentine has perhaps become the biggest Ultra Running club in the UK. There must be more than 50 Serpies who have run ultras in the past 12 months and often you'll find them at the sharp end of races. It's great to see this and the numbers are increasing year on year. However if you were to witness the epic failure of a year ago, where about 20 Serpies set out to complete the 50k of Kent countryside and most of them did so in a taxi you'd be forgiven for thinking that we were out of our depth.

I love Gatliff. It was my first "ultra" though these things don't feel like ultras. This would be my fifth time here. So far my record is;

2006 - Hideous weather             - 8.37

2007 - Quite nice weather          - 5.37

2008 - Bad Weather                   - 6.46

2009 - Hideous Weather             - DNF

2010 looked like it was going to be different though. It had not rained for a week and the UK is going through an unusually cold snap for November, with temperatures hovering around freezing. The ground was rock solid and we were going to have none of the sliding about and sinking that we normally have to suffer here. It was disappointing that not many Serpies came to finish what they started last year, which is a shame cos after half way the food gets good.

I started the run with Drew Sheffield, Mark Bell and Phillip Smith who I knew from various ultras and GUCRs. Before I even arrived I saw Mark Braley running out from the start, 50 meters in he looked stressed already and said "Yeah I started early just to get this over with". The first few miles were exactly the same as last year (the route changes every year) except that everything was not covered with a layer of mud or water. What was a stream last year was a lovely path now, what was a lake was now a nice grassy field and what was a dead tree was still a dead tree. The route description says "head towards the dead tree". They all look dead now.

We jogged pretty slowly, some of the frozen ploughed ground was quite hard work and we were being careful not to break our feet on a frozen shit. There was a lot of it about. There was plenty of time to catch up with the others about plans for next year. How much they were going to smash the canal run and whether they were doing the Spartathlon next year. Phil mentioned the problems getting a doctors note to run Sparta. "You have not been to the doctors for 5 years. How can we possibly say you are fit and healthy??"

Around halfway the sun broke through the clouds and we actually started to feel quite warm. So long as we were moving it was fine despite the freezing temperature and the temptation to dress up like the Michellin man. The 30k checkpoint is also described as "lunch". I think all runs should have a lunch in them. Very civilised. We sat down indoors for about 10 minutes as I enjoyed some tomato soup and 3 sausage rolls dunked in. I bumped into Helen (don't know her second name) who was taking it easy after spending all summer winning things.

It was the first time I think I can remember where you could admire the views here. I have no idea where exactly we were but there were some spectacular sights, particularly when we ran down into a valley on bracken and then back up the other side. Normally the muds and rain would mask all that is good here. Not today, we were in perfect daylight.

If you have never done an LDWA (or similar) event before they are great. You get given a piece of paper with directions to take rather like a treasure hunt only the treasure is food at checkpoints. You'll get instructions like "TAKE EXTREME CARE Xing RD" and "X ST (wobbly)". The organisers of Gatliff thought of text speak before mobile phones were even invented. This is the future of running, wombling around fields in the middle of nowhere trying to determine whether a clearing in a wooded area consitutes a "Left fork" or is just random. We only took one wrong turning when we walked while Drew did a Benedict XVI in the bushes. For some reason we just stopped reading the instructions and walked on waiting for him to catch up. We then missed a very blatant left turn next to an even more blatant "large pine tree".

You have to take some of the distances quoted with a pinch of salt. Sometimes they will be very specific (run 72m then bear left), other times it would say "Run 1k". That 1k can be anywhere between 500m and 3 miles. I recall some of the parts that I had got lost in over the years. I remembered the 1k that was 3k and the 3k that was 1k and the instruction to "cross diagonally across field", which seems fine except that this field has 27 corners and I have gone wrong every time here in the past.

We really were living by paragraphs though and that is the joy of the event. Saying we have 15 miles left does not really mean a lot, but saying we have 12 paragraphs left makes much more sense. Counting down the words we headed to the end, getting excited as we approached the last few words of each para. Unless of course those last few words said "run down this road 10 miles".

Not much else to say about this that I have not said in the 4 previous times. The photos came out great. I was disappointed that so many were put off returning here because they thought it was grim, it really was beautiful in the light and we managed to finish just before dark in about 6.30.

 

 

 

Ultra Running - Stuff that has helped me - Version 2.0

I wrote this post a while ago and think it's about time I updated it. I've enjoyed (and suffered) a lot of stuff since writing this and thought I'd share. I've tried to organise it in sections but as you may well know I am pretty terrible at organising anything so it may not quite work. Enjoy

Like I said this is what has worked (or not) for me over the years and the greatest thing about ultras is that there is no "correct" way of doing anything. The debates will always rage on by people who want to try try to sell you "solutions" to everything. I say just keep it simple, experiment occasionally and enjoy the unknowing. "simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" - Da Vinci

I've also added some links to other blogs and articles I have found very helpful over the years.

DON'T PANIC

  • Don't panic if it all feels a bit big and overwhelming, it fells big and overwhelming because it IS big and overwhelming. Everyone else feels the same.
  • Don't compare your insides with someone else's outsides. You may line up at the start and look around at the other runners and decide that they have everything sorted out, they all know what they are doing. In most cases you are wrong, they are probably crapping themselves just as much as you are, they just aren't showing it (and you probably are not showing it either).
  • Don't seek too many answers or obsess about details. The joy of this sport is finding those out yourself. It's a very personal journey where you'll find that you do things differently to others. It's ok to talk to others and read articles about how to run ultras and you'll hear lots of "answers" to the question of how to do ultra-running. Caffeine is essential vs caffeine is evil, liquid food only vs solid food is vital, cushioned shoes cause injury vs "Barefoot? Are you f****g nuts?", satellite watches vs sundials, run vs walk vs run walk vs run sit walk sit run walk, Man shorts vs Girl Tights. No one has figured it all out yet and I hope that no one does. The day Ultras get solved is the day I'll take up something else. Mountain Pogo?
  • And on the same subject, consider this. The Rubic's Cube, you are probably old enough to remember (Excuse the diversion I do this a lot).  I never really got into it but millions of people all over the world spend hours of fun (or torture) trying to get all the sides to match. Have a look at this. The puzzle has been solved. Any given starting point there is a series of moves that will guarantee victory. Imagine getting one now as a gift and also getting the solution? What would be the point? Like I said, the day Ultras get "solved" I am taking up something else. Penguin Tossing?
  • Therefore there is no "Correct Way" of running Ultras
  • And with that in mind feel free to ignore everything I have written here The further you run the simpler it gets

 

 WHILE RUNNING

  • Try not to extrapolate, i.e. thinking "I feel this bad after X miles so I'm going to feel this more worse after Y miles". Long distance running is a roller coaster of ups and downs and the longer you go the bigger the ups and the bigger the downs. You may feel shit now but your body is an amazing thing and a combination of positive thinking, progress and all the chemicals your body will produce may mean you feel ecstatic a few miles later. My first GUCR I could barely walk just after before 100 miles. Later on I ran miles 120-130 like I was gunning a 10k. I can't really explain it but I knowing it could happen helps me through the rough patches. I had a similar experience in the Spartathlon 2010. The first 50 miles I ran 1 hour slower than last year but felt twice as bad? I was a little concerned as I had 100+ miles to go, feeling shitter than last year and 1 hour less to do it. However the next 80 miles (yes EIGHTY) just seemed to fly by, I was cruising. It's important to remember these times as I know I am going to need them in the future. You won't just hit one wall in long ultras, you hit several. But the more you break down the better it feels at the end (and for a long time afterwards).
  • Don't take every little set back personally. When you are exhausted it is common to feel paranoid that things are happening because the world is conspiring against you. If a gate is stuck or a stile is wonky or a dog gets in your way. These things will happen and it is important to just shrug or even laugh them off. In the MDS while I was close to collapse and walking over the rocky terrain I kept tripping on the rocks. At some point I got so angry I picked up one of the offending rocks, shouted at it and threw it away. Anger like this is counter-productive. Remember "Mind like Water" - How does the water react when you throw a stone in? With an exactly proportional response to the size of the stone, soon all evidence is gone. Don't make a tidal wave over a little stone.
  • Similarly, celebrate a little when these little things go right. Like when someone holds a gate open for you or people spot you and get out of the way, or when a part of the path is not muddy or when the sun goes behind a cloud on a hot day. The more reasons you find to smile the more you will smile and the better you will feel.
  • Try to pay attention to your running form at regular intervals. I used to use mile markers in marathons to remind me to check that my head is up and shoulders relaxed etc. Perhaps do it every half an hour or so or every time you see a bridge or regular feature.
  • Recently I've been trying drills in long runs. Focus on one part of good technique for a mile or so. It takes your mind off the hurt a little. The fancy term is Proprioceptive Cues that I learned reading "Brain Training for Runners" by Matt Fitzgerald.
  • No one is going to judge you for squatting in the bushes. If you need to go then go, don't suffer too long holding it in. Everyone does it. Inevitably one day you are going to be squatting in a secluded place and then get rumbled by a large band of scouts and a brass band marching through. Just nod and smile, you won't ever see them again.
  • Try not to stress about the distance that you are covering or what your garmin may be saying. Particularly the really long runs. Sometimes you feel like you have run for miles yet you have barely covered one, sometimes your view of time is distorted by the tiredness, sometimes the distances advertised in the race are wrong. 
  • Learn to love the 30 minute mile for you may meet a lot of these. It is still a mile just like any other.
  • Don't waste too much energy avoiding water and mud in the wet times. If it rains you are going to get wet, accept in, embrace it, love it.
  • Smashing it VS pacing it? Sounds obvious that you should pace evenly but ultras are a different thing to 10k or Marathon races. There is something to be said about going faster at the start and "banking miles" early and many of the elites follow this. Check out this great blog post from Stuart Mills on the subject of the best 100 mile times in history. However I know a couple of people who pace quite evenly. Pat Robbins who wins the GUCR every year follows a strict 25/5 run walk regime and never seems to slow down. Early on in the race he is way back but sure enough every year he tears through the field. Ian Sharman recently recorded a fantastic 100 mile time with "almost" even 20 mile laps.I quite like to get the miles in early and think that if you start fast you slow down but if you start slow too you still slow down.
  • RFM. It's easy, get a T-Shirt if you keep forgetting.

GENERAL RACE STRATEGY

  • BEWARE OF THE CHAIR - The most common warning I see in the really long ultras. Don't sit down at the checkpoints if you can avoid it, you get cold, stiff and sleepy. It can be a real effort to get up and waste energy (not to mention time) getting going again, time and energy you could have spent doing another mile. I sat in a lot of chairs in the GUCR and Spartathlon, believe me you never feel rested more for sitting in a chair for 10 minutes. Winston Churchill said it best - "when going through hell keep going".
  • Organise fresh clothes if at all possible. They feel great when put on and the smell of freshly laundered clothes can be uplifting when you have spent hours smelling of sweat, piss and dirt.
  • [HIGH HORSE ALERT] Read any running book or article and you'll be told about the importance of having a plan. You must have a plan, with goals and objectives and a strategy and you must plan to reach your goals and targets and they must be SMART and you will never succeed unless you have all your goals and plans and targets defined and blah blah blah. Dunno about you but that sounds like the crap I have to do at work. I run to get away from that sort of thing. Don't turn the hobby that you love into a shitty marketing job.
  • My point above is that "Planning" is different for everyone and in some cases (including mine) is actually stressful and counter-productive. We are not all planners. Some of us are wingers. I suspect that there are a disproportionate number of wingers in ultras than in other distances and in life in general. When I first did the GUCR I was unable to even estimate when I would be at the first checkpoints. I just shrugged and said I'll see how it goes. Badwater I just said to my crew to make sure I had water and make sure I don't die. The problem is you get all this PLAN PLAN PLAN shoved at you that you think it's a neccessity and it ends up stressing you more. If you are a planner then plan away. If you are not a planner then don't try. I am running across the USA next year and have already been subjected to the dreaded "Plan" and "Budget" words. Those things just kill the adventure for me. I'll take a credit card and a spare flapjack and see how it goes. What could go wrong?
  • When you get really tired concentrate on moving forward rather than your exact position and distance. Ineviably you will slow down but the effort seems the same so it can get frustrating when you feel like you are not moving as fast as you think you are. Then the paranoia kicks in; "The distance markers are wrong", "The course is long", "I'm lost" etc etc. My first GUCR I thought I was at the 100 mile stage and only when I ran on another half a mile I realised that I was only then at 100 miles. What was half a mile out of 145? Well at the time it was massive and started me on a downward spiral that nearly cost me a finish.
  • Realistically there is a point where the sensible thing is to drop out. It depends on how far you have to go, how bad a shape you are in and how much the race means to you. "Finishing at any cost" is a silly thing to say if the "cost" is that you can't walk for 6 months. Similarly a race may mean so much that you are willing to rule yourself out of action for a few weeks just to get to the finish. This all gets blurred in the long and drawn out mess of an ultra. Be careful, but don't sell yourself short, the worst thing is sitting around the next day thinking "you know what? I could have finished that". When I was marshalling at the GUCR 2010 I saw some people drop out who looked in proper pain and I thought "yeah they really should have called it a day sooner". But more often I saw someone give up cos it all "got a bit much" or they lacked motivation to finish. In those instances I just knew that those guys were going to be very pissed with themselves tomorrow.

NUTRITION (What I don't know about nutrition can be written on the back of Canada)

  • The dangers of OVER eating are feeling a bit sluggish, perhaps some stomach problems, going to the toilet more and if you have a wedding soon not getting into a dress. Relatively trivial. The dangers of UNDER eating are stomach problems, cramp, fainting, exhaustion, anger, depression, muscle damage, organ damage, death and perhaps more importantly there is a greater danger of not finishing. You may have read books about runners who can run 100 miles on a can of coke and an apple but these are likely to be the elites who have done this many times before and have well practiced routines. If you are not at the sharp end and relatively new to this they I would lean on the side of over eating rather than the opposite. You can always change it the next time.
  • I hear the phrase "fuelling the Ferrari" used quite a lot when giving advice on nutrition to runners. Well I'm not a Ferrari. More likely I am a rusty old camper van with a big dent in the side and smells funny. The fact is that when running for hours and hours the act of eating can become a struggle. You may not feel hungry or you may have trouble getting stuff down. In these cases ANYTHING is better than nothing.
  • In my experience the biggest mistake nutrition wise is not eating the wrong types of food but simply just not eating enough.
  • You can use food as a reward. Derive pleasure from it. Don't think "I will eat a Kit Kat because it has 300 calories in it", think "I will eat a Kit-Kat cos I really like Kit-Kats". I love it when checkpoints have savoury stuff like sausage rolls and sandwiches. It gives me something to look forward to when slogging through the mud. Try and make food and the thought of food a positive thing. 
  • If it's true and "you are what you eat" then I am a pile of shit. Stuff I have consumed in races over the years include pringles, sausages, McDonalds (122 mile point in Badwater), Subway (65 miles into GUCR), enormous amounts of spicy meat and cheese in the UTMB, coke, coffee, Fish n Chips, milkshake, Pot Noodles, sausage rolls, soup.
  • Drink early. I learned quite early on that it's easy to jog 15 miles and ignore feelings of thirst because you want to get ahead but then it catches up on you and them some. It's hard to come back from dehydration.
  • ELECTROLYTES - I have only recently discovered these (I previously relied on the salt content of crisps). If you are running a long way then take these from the start. There are plenty of easy to carry products out there. IN Badwater I asked my support team to put them in everything I drank. Electrolytes are simply the salts that are cruical for the electrical activity in your muscle movement. If you flush them out with pure water then you risk cramp in the muscles (including those in your heart).My preference is Elete but there are others. Here is a more in depth article on how they work.
  • Protein - another one of those "you must take it/you must not take it" debates. I try to eat it as normal on a long run which generally involves protein and fat. From personal experience and lots of others too there has been great feedback for the 4-1 carbs to protien energy drink/powder you can buy. I think you need protien, you need to recover as you go.
  • Protien is especially imortant on multi-days. At the end of a run where I am doing the same the next day I try to guzzle some milkshake, beef jerky and nuts within an hour of stopping. If you are doing multi-days this hour after you stop running is perhaps the most important for eating, drinking and stretching. Here is a great article from 1 Vigor on the subject of recovery nutrition. Eat within the first hour and anything is better than nothing.
  • Camelpaks and bottle belts are the kit of choice for carrying water but don't rule out a hand held. It's not ideal in terms of running form but if you are prone to not drinking enough and if it's very hot then a hand held bottle could be very useful. I use backpacks where lots of kit is required (UTMB, ONER, Gran-Canaria or general UK ultras), I use a bottle belt where checkpoints are frequent and kit needs are low (Spartathlon, Davos, some UK ultras) and I used a hand held for Badwater.
  • Don't get suckered too much into the expensive "science" food. Read the second half on any running magazine and there will be loads of ads claiming to have "unleashed the power of the daisy" and swearing that your running will improve by 23.7% Most of the runners I know get by on stuff you can buy from a regular supermarket.

MIND GAMES

  • When out for a long time and trying to work through the tough times I find it really helps to think in the third person and take yourself out of yourself (if that makes any sense at all). I am quite comfortable thinking about myself in the 3rd person and years of Facebooking has made James very good at this.You can be as ridiculous and as egotistical as you like, if it helps you out of a funk then so what? No one needs to know. Here are a few that I use. There are some that I won't share right now and some that I might never share.
  • Imagine your own funeral (ok perhaps it sounds silly to imagine you are dead but hear me out). Hopefully your funeral is years and years away. When it happens people are only going to say what a great person you are and how you touched their lives. Think of the speeches made and the conversations between your old school teacher and training buddy. I've even got the location of mine sorted, hmmmm maybe I should contact the council.
  • Think of the stories you can tell about your experiences. There is nothing more boring than listening to someone saying "I entered a race, trained really hard and then got a pb, then I entered another race, trained really hard and got a pb, then I entered another race and I trained really hard and I ... *SLAP*". Remember that you are creating your own stories as you go. The more stuff that is going wrong and the harder you find it the more captivating your story will be in the pub. Try and remember everything so that you can re-tell it when you are nice and dry and warm and full of food with your feet up. Others will appreciate it.
  • And try to think of every set back as a funny story for later. Soon you'll be wishing mis-fortune on yourself....
  • Imagine you are supporting someone you know in the race you are doing now. This kept me occupied for 10 hard miles in the Spartathlon this year. There are a few people I know who want to do the Spartathlon and I imagined I was here with them supporting them through their run. You can only guess as to the kinds of problems they will run into but your amazing and uplifting words and advice can help them through it. That then makes you feel much better and perhaps even forget for a while that you are actually running that very tough race yourself right now
  • Persuading someone else to do the race you are doing. You may not believe it but some people don't like the idea of running 145 miles of canal on a Bank Holiday Weekend. The thought of this is incredible to me but each to their own. Pick someone who you know will say it's crazy. Tell them it's crazy but they still should do it. Argue with them (though not out loud near medics as they might think you have lost it and pull you out).
  • Imagine your friends back at home tracking your race.I do lots of Facebooking and texting during long races and tend to get this feedback anyway but in it's absence you could still make it up. Think of a status update and then your friends responses. You know all the people who will say that you are doing awesomely as well as those who say their Gran could run faster.
  • I imagine doing speeches at the start of events or to general crowds of ultra-runners. Invent questions and give your answers and pretend that the whole audience are in stitches with your hilarious jokes.Of course they are hilarious cos it's all in your head.
  • More and more ultras nowadays have lotteries to enter. The UTMB, Badwater, Western States, MDS, GUCR all have more people wanting to participate than there are places. This leads to disappointment for many as well as headaches for the organisers. When running imagine someone sitting at home who applied to do what you are doing now but did not get in. Don't do him/her a dis-service by bailing out for some wimpy reason. Finish it for the person who could not start.

 

RACE ETIQUETTE

  • Be respectful to other runners feelings. There will be times when you overtake another who looks a mess, try not to look too smug or comfortable as you do. No one likes getting flown past by a runner who looks like they are not even making an effort. It's funny how you can occupy the same part of space and time yet be in completely different places.
  • Similarly don't contaminate someone else's race with your own suffering. When you are on a roll you don't want to hear someone moaning about how bad their race is going. Remember you could be having the worst race of your life but be right next to someone who is having their best.
  • It's great to find someone to chat to during a race but sometimes people might not be in the mood. It's nothing personal, they just may be struggling. Sometimes a question can feel like someone plunging their fist into your brain and trying to pull somthing out. Don't feel you need to talk all the time and respect others need for mental space.
  • SO don't be too afraid of saying "I don't really feel like talking". And don't take it personally if this is said to you. In some of my longer races such as the ONER ot Trans Gran Canaria it was nice to have friends around just up ahead or behind and just seeing them and exchanging a few words and jokes every now and then. I could not imagine jabbering on for 24 hours though. Some people however love this.
  • BE NICE to the marshals and the organisers. It can't be much fun standing in the rain for hours only to get abused by a grumpy sweaty beast as he starts crying that there are not enough green jelly babies at the checkpoint. Also, give some slack to the race organisers. I think it's great how many people out there are willing to put themselves on the line and organise these events. They have made my life so much better over the years. Organisers and race directors will make mistakes too, don't beat them up about it.

HOT, COLD, KIT Etc

  • There are a lot of great blogs and resources out there to give advice on extremes of temperature. Marshall Ulrich's great blog has some stuff on dealing with both Hot and Cold. Also this is a great little website full of stuff about really hot running
  • PROTECT YOUR HEAD. Sun hat when it's hot, fleecy hat when it's cold, hood when it rains. Your head will be going through enough without you beating it up more with the elements. A good UV protection hat for warm and a buff for cold are 2 essentials
  • Do not underestimate the slow sapping power that the sun has. I got spanked on both days of the GUCR last year and really suffered. Wear a good hat and sun cream, have some on you if you are doing a very long run.
  • Don't ignore thirst ever
  • If you are run/walking then run in the sun and walk in the shade, spending as little time as possible exposed and giving you longer to recover where it's cool. I do this in the GUCR when there are trees and on the Spartathlon where there are bridges, spending longer in the shade helps your body cool from the constant stress of overheating.
  • IN training for Badwater I did 1 session of Bikram Yoga a week for 10 weeks. This is much less than is recommended and that most people do but it was fine for me. More than anything it made me learn how to deal with the shock of that kind of temperature while working. The first 10 minutes are hell but you adjust and manage it.
  • In the cold its layers that are the key. The warmth is generated by your body and kept in by air in the layers of your clothing and so the more layers the warmer you will be rather than the total volume of clothing.
  • The more and more I get into ultras the less and less kit I think I need. You sure can buy a load of crap these days. My first ultra I am sure I obsessed about everything I wore, bag, shoes, tights, shirt, shades, GPS etc etc. My most recent Spartathlon I just made sure I had some shoes and shorts and I was sorted. I am sure you've been called an idiot lots of times because of your choice to run a long long way. I'm sure you've learned how to laugh that kind of thing off. However don't actually BE an idiot pay for things that really are not necessary. "It's not about the Bike" as Lance Armstrong famously said. That is totally true of ultras too (apart from the bike bit obviously).
  • Having said all that there are a few bits that I use though all of this stuff I will tend to buy when it's on special offers and rarely will buy the really expensive brands
  • Make it your life mission to find comfy pants. Men and Women come in all different shapes and sizes in that region so we are likely to all find different answers to this. I've been using compression shorts designed for Rugby players, seem to work. It may take a while to find the perfect pair but once you do stick with them (ok not actually "stick" to them).
  • I don't really like head torches, I prefer the little hand torches (you can get them from outdoors shops for a few pound). Head torches make me crane my neck and probably screw my running up. I don't trip over any more in the dark that in the light. Enjoy the moonlight.
  • Some sort of hand sanitiser or wet wipes are very useful. Your hands are going to get very dirty. It's easy to forget sometimes that you are stuffing jelly babies into your mouth with the same hand that has just wiped your arse.
  • Toothbrush, flannel, take every opportunity you can of washing your hands (and other regions) in the really long stuff

GENERAL MOTIVATION

  • You probably compare yourself to others all the time. This is one of the best ways possible to make yourself unhappy. Road runners have this thing called "age-grading" where they compare their time for some fixed distance with the fastest person of a similar age over the same distance and then say things like "I am 63.7% the man that Haile is". Depends how you measure it I guess. I am 182% the man that Haile is (in mass). Such comparisons don't really belong in ultra running.
  • Don't compare yourself to others in terms of time/volume etc. You will meet all sorts of people at these events all with different backgrounds, different motivations and different levels of ability. Some will have not been running for long and maybe have families and are short on time to do running. Others may have been running for years and get all the time in the world to train. Some are here to win, most are here to finish and enjoy. Have your own measures of success that are completely independent of the performance of others.
  • Ignore the cancerous voices that may pop into your head that may talk of disappointment. I get this sometimes, the frowning of letting someone down. You are only doing this for yourself.
  • Think back to times when you were suffering as much as you may be now and remember how you got through them. Key moments like this for me were; Jurassic Coast challenge in 2008 - on the third day I could barely walk before the start but managed to run the hilly 30 miles of that day, Rotherham 2008 - The weather was Baltic, everyone around me was suffering from hypothermia and the checkpoints were indoors. It was the hardest thing in the world stepping out of those checkpoints and into the rain. I knew that in 5 minutes time it would be fine again.
  • Also, think back to the times when you were not nearly the runner you are now. Everyone started somewhere, perhaps a 4 mile run on a treadmill seemed like an effort a few years back. Keep in mind just how far you have come over the years. I remember when 4 miles on a treadmill would make me weak at the knees, I remember the fear of my first marathon. In Greece I passed the marathon stage of the Spartathlon in 3.47, that was my marathon pb in Berlin just 4 years earlier. The glowing feeling of progress propelled me all the way to 50 miles

Dilbert.com

  • For some reason I find miles 16-22 quite hard in any race, marathon or 150 miles. I don't know why but I've learnt to ignore it.
  • I spend a lot of my time in races thinking about even longer and harder races that I want to do. It sounds like a bad idea to be taking yourself into an even harder place when you really should be thinking about fluffy kittens and pillows and candy floss but it seems to get me through it. I spent most of my time in my first ultras thinking about finishing the GUCR. I spent a lot of my time in least years GUCR thinking about the Spartathlon. I spent some of my time in the Spartathlon thinking about Badwater. I don't know. Perhaps the point here is to always have a "next step" to think about. Now I always think about running into New York.

 

 

YOUR BRAIN - YOUR WORST ENEMY

  • Don't freak out when you hallucinate. It is normal for the brain when tired to see things that are not there. Your brain "sees" not by seeing everything but by looking at only a small area and "filling in" the rest itself. It's how optical illusions work. It is easy for the tired brain to "fill in" your surroundings wrongly, like when I thought a pile of branches were a giraffe or some flowers in the dark were actually small faces with hats or when I thought the canal by night was a huge quarry.
  • And don't worry too much about the King of the Mushroom people. He's a pussy.
  • Beware of the dangers of over-thinking. You are a long distance runner and hence are likely to be much brighter than the population at large. Hopefully this has worked out well for you in other aspects of your life but it could actually work against you here. Relying on your brain too much can be hazardous. You have probably heard the old cliché of "it's all in the mind" a million times and this has a lot of truth in it, however relying on your brain to make calculations and objective decisions can be futile sometimes. Don't waste considerable energy thinking too much, try to switch off.  Forrest Gump never looked in trouble did he?
  • My marathon PB is still from a race I did the day after a 24 mile fell race. The point here being that sometimes things just don't make any sense.
  • One of the most important things I have learned is that my mind can become useless at any objective thought or decision making. It is hard for someone to admit that they are mentally losing control but it does happen and can be hazardous if you try to "think" your way out of it. This is the point to go with what "feels" right. To quote Homer Simpson - "Shut up brain before I stab you with an ice-pick".

 

NOSTALGIA

  • Write about your experiences, if only for yourself. I love reading back about races I've almost forgotten. I love looking back at how different I was when I started out running distance, when a marathon would terrify me. Put it on a blog and allow others to learn about what you have done, it does not matter if only your Mum reads it.
  • Many people will never understand why you would do a thing like this. Don't waste too much effort trying to explain what they will never understand, even in your head. I will never understand why people sit in their living rooms and get excited by z-list celebrities cooking for other z-list celebrities. I suspect I am not missing much
  • Imagine a life where every race you did went to plan, where every race was a PB. Where everyone you loved loved you back, where every job you applied for you got, where your football team win every game and the sun always shines. Every test is an A+ and you never once got the flu. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Really? No. I'd kill myself. That would be a miserable existence. The best life experiences are when everything fucks up, when everything falls to pieces but you just about manage to hold onto yourself enough to get through it. Those are the times worth keeping.
  • The crippling lows and euphoric highs are why I do this. You have to go a long way to feel at your lowest but in the same race and after that you can feel the greatest you ever have. Every low point you have you can use as a learning experience, a reference point to help you deal with it when it happens again
  • As I grow old I'll forget things. I'll forget the least important things first, like what my pin number is or the name of my grand-daughters name, I'll then forget the unimportant things like how fast I could ever run 26.2 miles on a road or how I felt when running some 80% wava race or whatever. But I'll never forget the time I was running through the Canadian forests when 3 hours elapsed in 10 minutes because I was having so much fun. I'll never forget the top of that sand dune in the night in the Sahara when I looked around and could see nothing but stars, that moment I was the only person on Earth. I'll never forget staggering through a crowded street in Sparta to the adulation of runners and people of the town who had no idea who I was but know what I did. And the last thing I'll forget will be the turnaround I enjoyed in my first GUCR, I went from crawling to running, then from running to running quite fast. Then from running quite fast to being all of a sudden overwhelmed and having to hold onto some railings while I burst into tears. I thought at the time that the emotion was due to me realising that I was going to finish the race, but it was more than that. It was the moment in my life where I realised that I could finish anything. Anything is what I intend to do.
  • BEWARE of how addictive this all is. I entered my first ultra with the intention of doing more but never thought I'd be looking to do them every week. It takes over, you are always looking for different things to do. Longer, hillier, hotter, more navigation, less sleep or whatever.

 

 

 

 

Druids Challenge

Ivanhoe BeaconIt threatened to be another glorious weekend on sunshine and dryness though the weather reports had been mixed all week. Tuesday said it was going to be great, Wednesday said it will be shit, Thursday said great again and Friday morning when the race was about to start said, well maybe..

It's a pain in the arse looking at weather reports for long races. At least if you are running the London Marathon you can just type "Deptford" into the BBC weather page and see what you have in store for the 3ish hours you are going to be running. I spent all week looking at Tring, Streatley, Wantage, Watlington, Swindon to try and see what the conditions were going to be like.

The Ridgeway path is mainly off-road and stretches from Ivanhoe Beacon near Tring in the east all the way to Swindon out west. It is an 85 mile chalk ridge formed when Europe collided with Africa 30 million years ago. Bloody foreigners, distorting our landscape. Wait till the Daily Mail hear of this. It has been used for at least 5000 years as a cross country path because it's elevation make it drier and easier to defend against attack. Apparently it is the oldest road in Britain.I won't be asking for directions here.

The Challenge this weekend was to complete the Ridgeway trail (well most of it) in 3 days, which equates to around a marathon each day. There are a fair few hills, the occasional mud bath and slippy chalky descents that would make this more of a challenge. It is another fantastic event put on by XNRG. I did this last year and the most lasting memories despite rain and mud was the very friendly atmosphere created by the organisers and all the runners/walkers who took part.

However for me it was going to be a different challenge as I was going to be doing this with my girlfriend Gemma who had not done such a thing before. Will she make it to the end with a smile on her face? Will she get pushed off down a chalk slope? Who knows? It was going to be interesting to find out.

Day 1 - Ivanhoe Beacon to Watlington

Some of the better pathEveryone starts late today to give everyone the chance to get to the start in good time. The walkers set off at 10, runners at 11 and fast runners at 12. I started with Gemma and most of the field at 11 thinking that would be plenty of time to get the run done before the sun sets at 4ish. A large gazebo was pitched up on another hill near the start before we all had to make our way down and then back up to Ivanhoe Beacon for the start of the run. From here you can see for miles and miles. It was fairly clear and the views during the day would be stunning if it stayed like this. Starting on a steep downhill always make you think you are going to fall and be trampled on by a herd of ultra running elephants.

The first miles are mainly open grasslands before ducking into the woods. The trees and paths this time of year are stunning, everything is orange and gold and the leaves on the floor makes it feel like you are running along a carpet. It was perfect weather for running, around 10 degrees and sunny. Now is the time where people catch up with other runners that they have not seen in a while. "Oh I remember you from such and such race in August", "Ahhh, yes, the one where we all got lost and ended up having to ask that farmer in a tractor where to go and he wouldn't tell us cos he thought we were here to set badgers loose on his cows?"

Anyway, whilst having one such conversation one of us took a wrong turn which resulted in about 50 of us getting lost. Time and time again we get told not to follow blindly like a sheep but being a sheep is just so damn easy. The Ridgeway is 99% very clearly marked but there are just a couple of points where another sign would be welcome. One such point is after around 8 miles where there is a left turn on a road (very clearly marked) and then a right turn into a field (sign is IN the overgrown hedge and so invisible) and we ended up running down another road for about a mile. The nice gentle descent was lovely and I think that's why everyone ran so far without thinking that they had not seen a sign for a while. Back up the hill then.

The first checkpoint was near a church and had a great collection of sweet and savoury snacks. I am rather partial to a sausage or 5 in situations like this and dug right in. On leaving the checkpoint we saw at least 20 others who should have been way out in front coming back the other way to get to the checkpoint. They had made the same mistake we had however they had gone on much further and managed to find their way back via a 4 mile detour. Everyone was pretty much back together again.

Around half way is where I'd expect the leaders from the faster group to start overtaking but it was hard to seperate them from the faster ones from the middle group. I bumped into Paul who I'd met at the UTMB earlier in the year and chatted about Spartathlon and the like, as you do. It was only later that day I realised that he ended up in second place, having strolled along to chat to me. How nice. The course skirts around Chequers and then up onto Coombe Hill where you can see again for miles and miles.

It started to rain, annoying drizzly rain that just made everything slowly wet but was persistent. Gemma was suffering with an ankle sprain that was hard in the mud. And there was plenty of mud up ahead. The trail became harder to run on even though it flatened out a bit, we were on sections where land rovers drive and churn up the path into pools of mud.

The rain persisted and it became dark. It happens suddenly when surrounded by trees and we waited till the last minute to put the head torches on. Many had forgotten theirs or not brought them as they couldn't imagine not finishing in the daylight. The path cut through a dis-used quarry with warning signs all over telling us to keep out. The path here was straight and narrow but without being able to see the floor very well it was slow going. I got chatting to a guy who didn't have a great torch and Gemma used this as an opportunity to fly off and head to the finish a good few minutes before me. Typical. The total distance Mr Garmin recorded was 31.5 miles and everyone had done 31-34 miles. A few had managed to stick to the route perfectly and clocked about 29.5 miles, which is cheating really.Some of the beautiful leafy trail

These events are designed to keep costs down and to do that venues such as school halls and leisure centres are used to sleep for the night. You bring your own sleeping bags and mats and crash out on the floor with around 100 others. However Gemma had another idea, that we should stay in nearby B&B's and sleep in a nice bed. It felt a bit like cheating as part of the challenge is to do these events with hardly any sleep as there will no doubt be a number of runners who snore like tractors and get up 4 times a night to go to the toilet. Still I didn't complain as long as she sorted it all out. I sat down and had a few coffees and a couple of cans of Boddingtons and then we were on our way. We stayed in a nice place with another runner who was only doing day 2. After a hard days running and a good nights sleep we were told that we were not allowed to pour our own coffee from the pot as it was against health and safety regulations. Someone get me the Daily Mail again. I've so much to tell them.

Day 2 - Watlington to Wantage

Our lovely B&B hosts took us to the start but we still missed it while I was in the toilet. Gemma (who waited for me this time) left a couple of minutes after everyone else at 8 (there was also a 7 and 9 start) and slowly caught up to the back end of the middle group. I recall last year I set out with the fast group and was quite near the back and worrying about getting lost. The weather had cleared from yesterday, not too much mud and no rain was forecast. Of the 3 days I think this is the best one in terms of great running. There are a few more miles of the wide muddy track and then you are into the woods again, up and down under the trees. It was still a little on the wet side but this is up there with the best running you can do in the UK. The path is challenging but all runable, could be done at high speeds if you are into that kind of thing.

Even the trees were trying to stop usThis would be a joy to run in the summer and there is an opportunity to race the whole thing in one go in August. It is the same weekend as the UTMB and will no doubt involve a lot less cheese but would definitely involve a lot less getting jabbed in the face by idiots and their walking poles. I have no idea how the Romans marched up and down this when it was muddy.

For the whole of the second day you are treated to the sight of Didcot Power Station, it can be seen for miles around. The Ridgeway route decends then joins the river Thames at Goring and we are treated to some more mud that we had been missing since this morning. There was a checkpoint just before we had to cross the river and then onto the second half of the ancient path, where it gets a lot more exposed and chalkier. I was suffering a little bit with sore calves having run nearly 100 miles in the week before. Gemma was having sudden bursts of pace and for some reason can stride up hills much faster than I can.

Today felt a lot more relaxed, in part due to the earlier start which meant that none of us would be finishing in the dark. There was also the promise of a swim and sauna at the end of the day in the leisure centre we (or rather everyone else) was camped in. We finished on the path itself and then got rides to the centre we stayed at. We all bundled into the van and headed off and only 15 minutes later we were all hobbling wrecks from the sit down. I'm not sure what a sauna is supposed to do after a run, whether its good or bad to have one but I did anyway, staying in a 70 degree room for about 10 minutes before I was reminded of Badwater and craved a Big Mac again. I didn't bother with the cold shower. Not too sure what that is supposed to do either. After a race is it better for a cold bath or hot shower? I wish someone would decide. In the meantime I've heard no evidence to say that eating a big pie and chips and drinking 4 pints of local ale is bad in such a situation so that is what I did.

Day 3 - Wantage to Barbury Castle

As we walked to the start from our B&B (that allowed us to pour our own coffee, who do I report this to?) there was a mist that restricted visibility to about 20 meters. Last year on day 3 I remember the same stuff, making it much harder to pick out the signs. Fortunately it was clearer when we got up back to the path. Today was more of the same, some wide paths that were likely to be churned up and some very slippy chalk. We saw a lot more villages and houses on this part of the route which was nice, saying hello to people walking their dogs.

Gemma was really struggling with a swolen ankle but was very determined to finish. Before now she had not even done a back to back marathon before and now having run the first 31.5 miles (further than ever before) and then another marathon she was going to finish the whole thing off with another marathon. I said to her that after this we could go on one of those awful programmes where you swap partners for a week. Some fat TV addict would have a fit if they thought we'd put them through this. Imagine that? "What's that? you want me to run 82 miles in a weekend? I'll miss X-factor". Those enjoying the full race experience :)

I like to feel a bit self-righteous when doing these kind of things. On another Sunday I might still be in bed with a hangover and unwilling to get out of bed until 12 and then only be capable of frying some eggs and logging onto facebook to assess the damage from the previous night. It's quite nice to think that you can explore some of the country, run 26ish miles, meet some new people and catch up with others and think about how you are going to deal with a 12000 calorie deficit later in the evening. It would not have been that much though, I had just eated 10 cocktail sausages at one of the checkpoints and there was plenty of food at the end of the day.

Gemma and I were at the back (defending the rear from enemy fire as it's known). There was another chap called James who seemed to be suffering more than Gemma was. He had hurt his toe quite badly and looked really uncomfortable. I overheard a phone call he made where he said "Yeah, just calling to take my mind off this horrible run. My toe really hurts and my Ipod is dead and everyone has run off and it's raining". He seemed a bit dejected but we ran with him a while and as soon as the Iboprufen kicked in he felt a little happier. He explained that this was the first event of this kind and that the furthest he had raced before was a half marathon on road. Pretty amazing that he would have the balls to go straight for something like this but good on him, what an event to finish off the year with.

These events are great for anyone looking to venture into multidays for the first time. You will find at least a dozen more people who are completely new to this too and a lot more who are more experienced. There is not too much navigation involved, the courses are well marked. Lots of people use this as training for the Marathon Des Sables and by carrying your kit it's ideal and Rory Coleman was there to help out and give a talk on the MDS on the saturday night. If you are doing the MDS you'll probably recieve a lot of emails saying to need to be in the sauna or oxygen chambers or all sorts of things that cost a load of money and distract you from what is the most important, the running. Those who complete an event like this will be in a very good position come next April. It sounds odd that you can train for a desert race by sliding about in the mud for 20 hours over a weekend but it's worked for the Brits for years.

Most of it was easily marked like thisThere was supposed to be a lot of history to see in this leg but the mist and rain covered it. We were not really looking at this stage though. Gemma and I were going at a consistent pace but not near anyone save for passing the occasional walker and being passed by one of the faster guys. It was quite nice, it feels like the middle of nowhere at times.

It had rained for much of the day but held off a little as we approached the end. The paths got muddier until with about 2 miles to go we hit the hills towards the end. I could not remember from last time how long this was as the hills just seemed to roll on and on. There was nothing around but fields, sheep and the M4. Finally a sign pointing us off the grass and onto some tracks and then a big yellow XNRG arrow pointing towards a small car park. We were done.

The finish was less grim than last year. It was not raining and there was space to stand around and drink beer. Having beer to buy at the end of each day was a nice touch, one of many that made the weekend so great.

Gemma did fantastically and I am very proud of her though next time we are going to do it properly and sleep on the floor like everyone else. Be warned everyone, bring your ear plugs...

 

 

Rutland Marathon

Another gorgeous crisp cool blue sky day. We are really getting spoiled with them this year. Every day like this I worry that we are due a hideous day sometime later in the winter. Usually one such day co-incides with the Rotherham 50 but now they have moved that to summer.

I'll say straight out that the Rutland Marathon is another one to add to my list of "races in the UK I'd like to do every year but probably won't cos other races keep popping up". There are some really great events out there now and I certainly recommend this one.

It didn't start so well for us though. We stayed in a hotel in Corby about 20 miles away and the plan was to drive to the start in plenty of time to do all the faffing. Gemma's car had a flat battery, not the only flat thing this weekend. It was completely dead. Luckily we spotted another runner in the carpark and managed to scrounge a lift off him. Andy Moseley of West Brommich Running Club thank you very much for helping us out and I have writen a nice list of British ultras for you to chose from :) And sorry for running off as son as we got out the car.

It was a bit of a walk from the car park to where we start. The organisers said "about a 15 minute walk" and we said "yeah yeah, 15 minutes is really 5 minutes innit?". It was a 20 minute jog.

I met up with Mark Cockbain and Steve Gordon and decided to run with them. We were right near the back and had to get past a few people to get some space, including having to pass a giant pair of tits (no, not Jedward but 2 girls who were dressed as large bossoms for charity). Mark recalled the Brighton Marathon where there were a giant pair of bollocks running. I don't remember seeing them through my helmet but it did remind me that for the second successive day I was wearing unsuitable pants.

It's shameful that I had grew up only 10 miles away from this place and never came here. It's a lovely place and everyone seemed to come here expecting a flat marathon. It wasn't quite like that. Though there were no major hills it was quite hard work throughout. Never was it flat, always slightly up or down and with cattle grids everywhere. They were like balancing beams. Later on in the race they were quite hard work, like walking a tightrope and falling off. I remember watching gladiators when I was young and taking the piss out of those people who fell off the narrow beam and had to do it again. I know what it's like now.

BreakfastThe route was around the water then 2 laps of the penninsula. It was all on hard track and the weather had been kind and prevented it from being muddy. Water stations were very frequent, about every 3 miles. The rain threatened a few times but it never came. It was very cool but I still leak fluid like a triathlete looking at the point of inflection of a HR vs Pace graph.

Stop it.

Ben had set off like a rocket at the start and recorded a great time of 3.08 and 7th place on a tough course. I tried to stick with Mark and Steve but got behind when I found a toilet cubicle with quilted toilet paper. I could have stayed there all day, particularly as my breakfast was a doner kebab flavoured pot noodle. Well, when in Leicestershire...

I felt quite rough for most of this though don't read too much into such things nowadays. I remember feeling similarly flat during the Two2Go marathon a few months ago but then 2 weeks later I had a great Spartathlon. I eventually finished in around 3.50, not far ahead of Gemma. That would have been embarrasing, glad I didn't spend too long with that quilted toilet paper.

Definitely one to put in the calendar for next year

 

BallBuster Duathlon

Yes, I did a duathlon. I've done one before. In fact I have done two before, one was supposed to be a triathlon but they cancelled the swim cos the water was reported to be moving a bit. Despite my piss-taking I actually enjoyed the multi-sport events that I have done. The trick is not to talk to the others that do them.

I'm joking of course. I know a lot of triathletes and like them a lot. There is a nice mocking rivalry but mutual respect between the Ironmen and Ultra-runners. Both like to do extreme things and just express it in different ways. It would make for very interesting conversation in the pub, if only triathletes ever went to the pub :) Ready to Smash it

Stop it James.

The BallBuster Duathlon is quite a competitive event on Box Hill in Surrey. Box Hill/Dorking area is home to some really lovely runs that I enjoy throughout the year and it seemed just right to try and smash it on a bike every once in a while. The format was quite simple, 5 laps on road, the first and last on foot, the middle three on wheels.

Woke up at 6. Had a shit at 6.20. Left hotel at 6.45.

Cyclists sure are early birds. The race started at 8 but many would get there hours early to let their porridge digest while cleaning their bikes and removing microscoping particles of dust that could cost them valuable nano-seconds on the bike stage. I got a few funny looks as I queued up with my hybrid commuter bike with panier rack on while the others paraded their carbon fibre penis-extentions. I really should stop taking the piss out of triathletes, but it is just too easy. I waited in line to be given my chip and looked around and just wished some someone to crack a smile. Triathletes are like goths really, relying on safety in numbers so they can all dress up the same and look like idiots.

Stop it.

Ian and Lucy arrived and they both look about as serious about cycling as I do, with old bikes with bells and racks on (I took mine off cos someone said that a slower cyclist might grab onto it and get me to pull them up hills. In retrospect I should have realised that there was no such thing as a slower cyclist than me).

A few years ago when I was starting to think that there was more to life than just running a few marathons here and there I dabbled into triathlon. It seems a logical next step from Marathons, as are ultras. Which way does one go? It's a tough choice and I am not sure what factors decide which way you might swing. I suspect it has something to do with what you like spending your money on. I can't imagine life without going to the pub lots and eating pies. Money spent on this means I am unable to afford a bike which weighs about as much as a bag of pork scratchings. I'd rather eat the pork scratchings and get pissed. When I bought a bike the costs just seem to rack up, all of which were eating in to my pub budget. I didn't like that at all. Ultra-running is relatively cheap. The events are cheap (the unbranded ones anyway). Yes you get through a few more pairs of trainers and I seem to buy a 5kg box of washing powder every fortnight but I still get pissed just as much as I used to. In fact more cos the running makes me less tolerant. That has to be a good thing.

I usually end up forgetting something at the start of a race but today I excelled myself. I forgot a bike pump, tyre levers and a pair of pants. The latter is unusual for me and it meant that this could quite litterally become a ball buster. I racked my bike and recalled one of the defining moments that turned me off of this sport. I know every sport from running, triathlon, snooker, football, knitting, chess and golf has it's fair share of arseholes. It just seems that whenever I get near a multi-sport I seem to attract one of them. Perhaps I am an arse magnet in these parts?

Anyhoo, 3 years ago when I did this race I was racking my bike up next to some other guy who clearly had a better bike than me. I had a bikes2work scheme racing bike made out of steel that created an awful crashing noise as I stood it onthe rack similar to the noise rag and bone men would make as they came crashing through your street and stealing any unsecured metal. His looked like it had to be weighed down to stop it floating off like a balloon. Now, just to make conversation (I can be rude like that sometimes) I said to him "Careful we don't get our bikes mixed up in transition". He was not amused. In fact I didn't realise that I'd broken some rule about not engaging in conversation with a competitor who has a better bike that you. It's like chickens and their pecking orders. He looked at me with a disdain that said "what are you doing, you are merely a bitch chicken and I am a big cock". Indeed.

That has NEVER happened to me in 4 years of ultra-running. And I've met some of the worlds best.

Anyhoo, the race. Yes I remember. It was another gorgeous blue sky day, quite cool, the winter is starting to kick in here. We all set off on the first lap of the run, 8 miles, 6 of nice undulation and more down then up and then the 2 mile "zig-zag" uphill. Most of the people I knew just ran off ahead and I took it easy as I had a marathon to run the next day.

Within an hour I think I finished the run and did my fastest T1 ever, probably because I wasn't cheating by using those special shoes that make your feet stick to the pedals. Nor was I using those bars that poke outwards that you get low and hold onto, meaning people get to see more of your arse. My bike did have some pointy bits on the handle bars but I just assumed that was to hang shopping from.

My bike was quite easy to find though not as easy as it was in the London TrI I did a few years back. When I got out of the water it was the only bike still there. I pushed my bike through the mud (ha ha ha all those people cleaning their bikes in the morning) and onto the road and saw a guy in front of me with really baggy shorts on. I said it was good to see someone else who was not dressed as a triathlete and passed him. He was the only person I passed in the whole thing.

I was looking forward to going NEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWW as I went past a few people but it never happened. It all seemed to be downhill and I am a big pussy and kept holding onto the brakes as people just whizzed past. It took some getting used to and just as I was getting the hang of not leaning back, braking and crying for mummy I got a puncture. Shit. I stopped and fumbled in the small amount of kit that I remembered to bring, or rather what has been attached to my bike for a year without me really noticing. There were some tyre levers in there afterall, and a tube. Great. All I had to do was take the tyre off (it took ages) then put the new tube in (again, ages) and then pump it up with this fancy gas canister that I can't remember every buying. Then I realised that I had already used this one. Bollocks.

Luckily a chap who was just cycling around for the day came along and helped me out with a pump as cyclist after cyclist in the race slowed at the corner and gawped at me. Yes I look like a dick. But at least I'm not wearing lycra. And no one knows I'm wearing no pants.

I finally got on my way and wondered whether I would make the cut-offs as I had been there faffing for ages, about 20 minutes in total. I was very near the back and realised that I had to smash it to get back into a comfortable time. I had to ask a marshal what the time was as I was not wearing a watch. I forgot that too though I really would have liked to have worn my heart rate monitor as I don't think cycling reports should be done without a graph of work rate.It was 9.45. I had 1.15 to do teh remaining 2 miles of this lap and then the last 2.

So I climbed the hill, feeling quite fresh as I had just had a 20 minute rest and cycling doesn't really count as exercise anyway. 1 lapdone and I was looking forward to smahing it on the last 2 laps, I had no choice.Some of the men had quite bad VPL

Pretty much as I started the second lap I slowed down again and looked down and found that the tyre had gone again. When I spent ages replacing it 10 minutes before I had done something wrong as the tyre was expanding over the rim of the wheel. Someone later told me that it was possibly because I twisted the tube and it caused a pressure build up that forced it's way through the tyre. Someone else told me it's because I am a dick.

So with tail between my legs (rather than a bike) I turned around and walked back to the transition and gave up my chip and then back over to Gemma and friends as they laughed that I can finish a Spartathlon but not a bike ride. It was a shame as I really liked this event but at least I had already got all the goodies before the start. As I came in I saw the two leaders heading out for the run, they were 2 bike laps ahead of me. Looked like it was going to be a close finish.

I stood about for a while and watched the race. It was quite fun. I did not see as many pointy helmets as I had done last week at the Jekyl and Hyde Duathlon that I marshalled at. My job there was to stop people and their little dogs from walking into the very fast very expensive bikes. Apparently removing poodle spleen from tubbs is a nightmare. I think there should be a special award for the last person on the bike course who as a pointy helmet. Maybe a pointy losers hat? Or disqualification from Tri for life? Or shooting? A Graph - Please wipe the screen when you have finished.

Anyway, who am I to take the piss? I just DNF'ed a bike ride. I blame my tools.

So what did I learn. Well my 10 point plan for next time would be

1 - Wear pants (general advice for life rather than just for multi-sport)

2 - Take only full gas canisters

3 - Take a bike pump

4 - Stop being such a pussy on the downhills

5 - Wear a HRM (It would have been nice to have a graph to jerk off over)

6 - Stop looking at arses as they are likely to be men's

7 - Get quick enough at cycling so I at least get to overtake someone and go "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

8 - Park further away so I don't have to wait for everyone to clean their bikes near their cars and blocking everyone in

9 - I'm bored of this now. I'm off to the pub.

At least tomorrow is just running. What could go wrong? Assuming I remember to stop and buy some pants on the way up to Rutland.

 

Greensands Marathon

It's easy to forget with all our foreign adventures to deserts, mountains and Greek industrial sites that the UK can offer some pretty spectacular eye candy for the trail runner. The Dorking area and the North Downs way offers some amazing scenery and is used for lots and lots of runs throughout the year. Add to that the kind of race organisation that Dr Robert and his team are famous for, and the most beautifully cool, dry and cloudless autumn day and you know you are in for a treat.

I did the Greensands marathon last year and loved it even though I found it hard. Harder than I'd normally find such things. It was 4 weeks after the Spartathlon and I had done Beachy Head marathon the day before. I was a mess and realised that I had rushed back into it too soon. Though I struggled I really did enjoy the race and it was deservedly given the award of "best new race in the UK" by runners world. I was really looking forward to this, only 3 weeks after the Spartathlon this time though I had not run a marathon the day before.

It started with a disappointment. I am always pleased when the numbers are given out alphabetically as I get to sport the number 1 and pretend that I am any good at this kind of thing. Every now and then some bastard called Aaron A Aardvarkson gets in there and reduces me to number 2 "Yeah - You look like a number 2". However it appears that this time I was beaten unfairly, like I was in the ONER by TIM Adams. What version of the alphabet were they working on? Anyhoo, I knew better than to let such heartbreaks get to me. I knew that I had to rise back up from this crippling set back and show the world that I can stare in the face of adversity and triumph. Only by focusing on the prospect of a great run could I break out of my hazy torpor and back out through the violent maelstrom of negative feeling of such a blatent disregard for alphabetic harmony. Or perhaps I could just trip Tim up?

There seemed to be twice as many starters this year, about 200. We all sang/shouted/snorted/butchered Jerusalem before the start of the race. I'd like to think that the race director does this to help expand our lungs and prepare us for what is up ahead. I suspect that his real motivation is to make us all look and sound like a bunch of tits. As with all of his races it starts with a ridiculous uphill where you are forced to run because it's at the start and you'd look like an idiot if you walked. Up a big grassy hill then into the woods, out of breath after 800m but ready for a great few hours.

I ran most of this with Dan De Belder who was without walking poles this time. Both of us are more than happy to walk up a hill but there is an unwritten rule in this kind of thing, you can't be the first to do it. There were some challenging inclines and we ran slowly up them, in parts slower than if we'd actually walked but because there were people around and they were still all running we knew we could not possibly buck the trend. There is an unwritten rule in hill running where you can't be the first in a group of people to start walking. Either wait for someone else to start walking or wait till you can't been seen. I continued to wheeze up the hills like a fat asthmatic.

I was really using this as a test to see how much I am over the Spartathlon. I knew I was still feeling it but doing a run like this let me find out what still hurts and how much. If this were another time of the year I'd like to give it a proper blast. It is amazing to run on, the variety of surfaces is great. Mostly very hard trail with some of that lovely pine needle covered track that feels like running on carpet. There is even some sand, and just a few miles of road. It had not rained of a few days so the course was perfect. There were marshalls at all the tricky points such that I only went the wrong way once.

My legs were sore quite early on and felt sapped of energy for the second half but this is the kind of race that you can enjoy even if you walked it. It's an out and back of 13 miles which is great because you see all the runners ahead of you and then all those behind. I tried to take lots of photos along the way and they describe the race better than I can in words. I managed to get reasonable photos of the 10 or so Serpies who were running, most of them enjoying it.

Boring notes for self (do not read) - I felt quite tight throughout the race, in my groin and achillies as usual. This does not usually bother me as I know that it will all loosen up after about 30 miles, but I didn't have that luxury here. Around half way both my knees felt the runners knee soreness that ended up crippling me in the Highland Fling and nearly throwing my year out but they calmed down later on. I think I am getting over the runners knee and Roberto seems to be working his magic with his torture tool. By the end I just lacked energy which is fairly normal as I had not eaten anything during the race.

The marshalls like to have fun with you here, telling you that it is all down hill from here. Apart from the dozen or so hills that I remembered. Every time I do a run like this I end up chatting to someone who says this is their first marathon. I don't know if they would ever do a road marathon but I can only imagine the let down if they did after doing something like this.

I had no time pressure this year like I did last time. Last year I had to finish under 5 hours to catch a plane to Dublin to run their marathon the next day. I ended up being quite relaxed throughout and finishing in 4.27, a little bit quicker than last year. After the race we got a really nice long sleeve top with all our names on the back (mine 2nd on the list but I am so over that). Thrown into the entry fee (which is quite high but really worth it) is a fried breakfast (yes at around 3pm) and a swim in the school pool. Gemma, James, Ian, Lucy and I had a great game of water polo basketball in between crippling bouts of cramp. Note to self not to attempt deep water swimming after running a marathon.

And that's it really. Really nice marathon, definitely one to do next year and so far so good with the Spartathlon recovery. Nothing more now for 3 weeks, unless you count those silly little 8k things.

 

Woodford Cross Country - 8k

"GET HER! CATCH HER! DESTROY HER! KEEP RUNNING! FINISH HER! KILLLLL HERRRRRR!!!!!" These were the words shouted at a 10 year old girl by (I assume) her father as she sprinted up a hill to catch some other 10 year old girl who happened to be wearing different coloured stripes. I am not sure whether she caught her mortal rival. I don't know what her punishment would have been for failure. No cartoons for a week? No going out with friends for a month? No boyfriends until she is 27? I did see one girl crying her eyes out. I'm not too sure what I had gotten myself into here. Certainly felt more intimidating than my last race in Greece. At least there I could be sure that no one was going to try to kill me.

 I have been suffering a 2 week post race depression, more so than I had done before. For the whole year I have had the insane summer of madness to look forward to. During the summer I always had the next challenge to look forward to. Once Spartathlon was over and once the pain disappeared I felt quite low as there was nothing epic on the horizon. I am done with ultras for the year, I have a few marathons to keep me out of trouble. Still I was really looking forward to Cross Country. I had not done this for years. In fact the last time I ran a XC race I was chicked. It was a Man's race, she just said she was running with the guys to chat them up. I have no idea why she was talking to me, I couldn't breathe.

Cross Country is a really big deal for the Serpentine and I really wanted to get involved in some of the club events. My attendance in club races has been poor over the past years since I got into ultra running. I am determined to do as many XC races as I can fit in for the Serpies this year, not that I will be any use in the scoring stakes, only the top million score any points. I was ready to see how laughably bad I have become at trying to run fast.

The first fixture of the Metropolitan League (there are lots of leagues, I don't understand, I just turn up and run round till they tell me to stop) was in Woodford Green, the weather was great, sunny and dry, which was bad for cross country as it's supposed to be muddy and wet. People who know about these things were discussing how 3mm of metal might change their fortunes during the race. 9mm or 12mm? Or trail shoes? I had no idea. I wore my Walshs for the first time ever and did not want to get them dirty.

The course was 8k, in 3 loops (I thought it was 2) with at least 1 hill each lap and from memory 1 puddle. I started at the back and within 1k I was walking through a narrow section, just like the UTMB. I was confident of finishing before midnight though.

For loads of people I spoke to this was their first cross country since school. That brought back memories. I remember the stories before we went to "big" school about the miles and miles you have to run in the mud and if you did not finish in 35 minutes you had to do it again in your pants. It was not the most nasty rumour before going to that school. There were more, stuff that happens in the toilets between 8-9, don't ever sign up to the French exchange student program and don't get left alone with the woodwork teacher, he is fearsome with all those vices.

I had never ran any kind of distance before but cross country when I was 11 was the first time I realised that I actually liked running and I was (relatively) good at it. My approach was simple, on seeing the 100m stretch of road into the parks I thought "don't set out like you are running a 100m race, take it easier". I did this and I was fine. At least half the kids did just that, ran out like it was a race to the end of the road and then collapsed as soon as we hit the trail. Most of these kids were thick (I grew up in Leicester, it's a high proportion) and some of the fatter ones would try and hit the smaller kids as they went past. They were usually easy to avoid though, fat knackered kids pose little threat as they are imobile. On giving them a wide berth they may yell at you that they will get you after school bit for the next 20 minutes or so I was safe. Oh and by the way Ashley Wilson I don't recall you getting me back for that? How are you you fat twat? How is prison?

I was stuck behind a load of people in Woodford and was a bit apprehensive about making a move for it as I would probably blow up and look ridiculous. All the way round I got comments such as "only 100 miles to go" and "76 more laps". I actually thought it was over as I came in from the second lap, I had no idea what 8k was or how much 40ish minutes was, the sun was still in the same position in the sky for all of the race. How am I supposed to tell the time? Overtaking people is actually quite a tactical thing (as I imagine it is at the sharp end of races). There is more to it than just running faster than someone for a bit, you have to be in position and respond to any increase in pace they may show. It's more like formula 1 than running. At least that is how I imagine it is at the front, I was plodding along looking at some Highgate Harriers fat arse.

I really want to use these as fun speedwork. It's been a long time since I've gone out and tried to run fast for any length of time. The promise of cake at the end and a heaving pub full of Serpies is enough to get me out of bed for 8k. A bit less than Naomi Campbell.

This is whats known in the trade as "Defending the rear from enemy fire"The Serpies ended up smashing it all round. The Men's and Women's team won. They also each came 5th place too (like I said I don't really understand). I came 252nd out of at least 253 runners. My time was 36.06 and more importantly my shoes did not get a speck of mud on them.

I really enjoyed it in the end. The next one I can make is on the 23rd October and is for the Liddard Trophy (I don't understand). It really helped ease the post Spartathlon blues. I couldn't make a habit of it though, next week is a lovely and hard trail marathon. I just hope that no one shouts at me.

Spartathlon 2010

Best dressed?I thought about the streets of Sparta every day since I finished Badwater. I had made Badwater my 4 year obsession and finishing that was something that I had to do, however along the journey to Death Valley I came across a race that just blows everything else out of the water. I did not see this coming when I set out to complete Badwater all that time ago but I am very glad of the discovery. I don't want to say that Badwater didn't mean anything because it meant the world to me, but even while ascending those long passes and struggling through the heat I knew I was going to finish and hence the fear of failure was not there. Deep down I knew that this was another step on the way to the main event of the year.

It's quite hard to say what it is about the Spartathlon that has me (and hundreds of hardcore ultra marathon veterans) flocking to Athens late September every year. Maybe it's the history? Or the international field. Or the welcoming nature of the organisers and helpers of the race. Or perhaps it's the severe cut-off times that eliminate more than half the field each year. Whatever it is the Spartathlon is a fixture in the calendar of so many runners, for most including myself it is the last "big" race of the year. I had unfinished business here, though I finished last year I did not feel like I beat the race. My body was so broken I could not run to the statue of Leonidas as I had dreamed of before. This time I was back to live that dream.

The Start - Getting to Corinth

Busy AthensThe race starts as soon as the sun starts to shine on the Acropolis of Athens, high up in the capital on a Friday morning. It really is an inspiring yet intimidating sight to see such a huge formation of rock that was present 2500 years ago when the pioneer of ultra-running Phiedippides ran the distance we were all about to start. I tried not to think too much about what was up ahead because I knew how hard it was.

It all felt very familiar as we descending the cobbles of the Acropolis and down into the city, as if I had never left this race. Perhaps I never had? I have been thinking about it so much. The concrete paths with random bollards sticking up, the police halting the rush hour traffic of Athens and then the long uphill road out of the city. I even found myself running with some of the same people as last year, a girl with a pink skort, a very large Norwegian guy with a very impressive moustache and a Korean guy who seemed to run with a load of pots and pans who jangled along like a brass band. After a couple of miles a tram crossing closed to allow a tram by but some runners just ignored and ran straight across. For the sake of 20 seconds is it worth getting hit by a tram? Well, actually sometimes those 20 seconds....

I had become seperated from the other Brits and was not too sure where everyone was. I figured Mark and Peter were up ahead. I was intending to take the first 50 miles slower than last year as I felt like I burnt out a bit doing the first 50 miles in 7.37. It was not as hot as last year (it was going to be about 28 rather than 33) but it was quite humid as it hade been raining quite a lot. That combined with the traffic and the oil refineries made breathing quite hard work for everyone. My achillies, calves and groin were already complaining just as they were this time last year. I stopped to stretch a few times but knew I didn't really have too much to worry about, just like last year I just need about 30 miles in the legs before things loosen up a bit.

The first marathon came in around 4.15, half an hour slower than last year. It was perfect in terms of time but I was worried that I didn't really feel any fresher for it, I was warm and uncomfortable and sweating hugely. I had made a decision (a good one I think) to carry a water bottle with me and the electrolyte solution which may help me avoid the kidney problems I had last year. The next 24 miles were tough too, it was getting warm and the sweat was blinding me. Miles 30-50 are along a road next to the Aegean sea, it is a beautiful blue colour and in the heat of the day the temptation to wander down and jump in is huge. There is a slight breeze sometimes but not enough to dry my face. I spend this section running close to Neil who is here despite a foot injury which has not yet caused any bother. We talk about how bloody tough the race is even though we know we are only a quarter of the way in. The sea looks so blue and there are moments when you are only a few feet away from it. The temptation to dive in is incredible.Scenic

Checkpoints become less and less busy, it becomes much easier to grab things and move on. I decided to take no personal food with me at all this year as last year I took lots and ate none of it. I was relying on the supplies on the tables which were very basic. Crisps, biscuits, fruit and drinks. There was plenty of coke which was diluted with water. I heard a girl rush up and ask for "just coke" from one of the helpers. They looked back a little concerned and said "you know it's not good for you don't you?" I nearly spat mine out.

The last few miles into Corinth are on a busy highway in the heat of the day. It goes up slightly and feels like more of an effort than it should be. I'm looking forward to the first major checkpoint of the race, 50 miles with a 9.30 cut-off, I get there in 8.35, almost exactly an hour slower than last time, which is fine as that was the intention, however I feel shattered and out of energy. I felt great at this point last year, and I was an hour ahead.

Why do people come back again and again to do this? It certainly is not for the views. I had just run through 50 miles of dirty city and industrial estates that reeked of oil and dead animals (and one human as discovered by an American on a toilet stop). If you were trying to pick an ugly 50 miles you'd do well to beat this.  And so many runners come here carrying some niggles or injuries that really should prevent them from starting. But once you get the place and start getting the information through the post it is hard to stay away. Runners will start and "see how it goes", some would describe this as not being sensible. Well I think that if were were sensible we'd not apply to enter the race in the first place.

No really, it's beautiful. So there I was, sat down at Corinth eating rice while contemplating what I was doing there. I was there to complete an event that was ugly, pointless and stupid. This made me chuckle and get off my chair. I only half finished the rice. I said goodbye to Stu and Bob who had unfortunately dropped from the race and headed into the quiet roads through the olive fields. I spent a lot less time in that CP than I did last year.

Getting to the mountain.

Now the route becomes quite nice. The roads are much quieter and most of the traffic is that of the support crews for the race who are only allowed to start supporting after the 50 mile point. I had broken this race down into 4 parts; getting to Corinth, getting to the mountain, getting over the mountain and then getting to the statue. I was 9 hours in, a quarter in absolute time and a third in absolute distance but these meant little. I remembered that later in the race every mile can feel like 5 and minutes feel like hours. I ran with Neil for a few more miles but decided to push on as I really started to feel much better.

A support car was driving slowly and asking everyone where they were from. I heard "Korea", "Italia" and "Brasil" behind me. The car caught up to me and without even asking they just pointed at me and yelled "GREEK". I would have protested but I was sporting a beard and a tan so could easily see the confusion. If you are going to run this race I have a little gem of advice, if you run near the Brasilian team you get followed by a car full of hotties, helps to distract. Most of the nationalities sported nice matching kits for the race. Brazil, Japan, Estonia, Italy all looked very smart and could easily be identified. I commented at the start that the British turn up looking like a bunch of tramps wearing all sorts of random crap that we have accumulated from races in the UK. I was wearing the twat hat again and it was doing it's job well.

Not long after I upped the pace I spotted Mark, he looked like he was struggling. Gemma had been texting me with updates on how the Brits were doing and told me that Mark had gone through Corinth nearly an hour before me along with Emily Gelder. I chatted to him for a few minutes and walked up a short hill. I said see you later and carried on, expecting him and Neil to catch up with me again at some stage. The tempting sea

Around 60 miles in I started chatting to an American who seemed in really good spirits except he told me that he was shitting blood and asked me for advice on what to do. I really didn't know what to say as I didn't know how serious that is. (It IS serious). I told him about my experience of pissing blood and suggested that if nothing was really hurting then it probably was not too bad. I could not tell him that everything was fine but nor could I tell him that he should pull out of the race. I said as much and headed off again.

Soon after I passed the villiage where the kids run up to you and ask for autographs. I signed a few and they seem to really go crazy for it. Martin told me after the race that he likes to sign "David Beckham" when he does them. It's quite nice though you can't do them all and I felt guilty when I ran past a child with a pad and pen held out. Still, not as guilty as I would feel if that American died.

100k came in around 11 hours and I was still feeling really good. The field was really spacing out now and sometimes I had no one in view, ahead or behind. The roads are permanently marked so well that it is almost impossible to get lost. Not long after I catch up with Kevin who I met the previous day. He looked to be going through a rough patch just as Mark had and I told him that it would pass. Such a huge race you are going to go through several low points and I had had some of mine in the first 50 miles, but now I was making good progress and had to run my own race and press on. I said bye again, fully expecting to bump into him later on.

I remember from last year that the big rolling hills start here, they are a bit steeper than the ones we have faced so far. The sun sets suddenly and I realise that I had stupidly left my night gear at CP35, I was only on 30. I had a good 10 miles to go in the dark with no lights. The clouds had covered the moon so natural light was minimal. I used the light on my phone when needed to keep on the road and followed any other light I could find.

This year I had gone really easy on drop bags, leaving only 4. Suncream at CP15, Night clothes and Torch at CP35, A change of shoes and socks at CP 49 just after the mountain and then daytime clothes at CP60A. I took absolutely no food and was going to rely on what was at the checkpoints. Last year I had 20 drop bags with food but ended up not touching most of them. I just kept it simple this time although I messed up the timing of the sunset.

Not long after I got my night gear, which was nothing more than a long sleeve top, a reflective gillet and a torch it started to rain. It just started with drizzle but slowly got worse until you could describe it as proper rain. On the plus side the water gushing down was acting like ice on my legs and easing the pain a little but worryingly I was starting to feel cold. It was no where near the coldest part of the night yet and I still had the mountain to climb, which is cool at the best of times. One of the guys in the checkpoint commented on my running attire. I was wearing a shirt with collars and a silly hat. He said he saw me at the start and just assumed I was a tourist following the race. He said I looked like the smartest runner out there which was funny as I was recently called the second scruffiest man in the Serpentine running club.

olive fieldsI worried a bit about the mountain. I didn't do a good job of it last year and if I am freezing and slipping about all over the place that will only make it worse. Almost on that thought the heavens really did open and turn the roads into streams and mud baths. I was amazed again how muddy it got as the rain coincided with the off-road section of the run at about 90 miles. It got so bad I cowered under the gazebo of the next checkpoint and stole a black bag to shelter from the pouring rain, it was horrendous. I stayed there for about 10 minutes waiting for the rain to abate as slowly more and more runners came and did the same. The cover was small and others complained of being cold.

We joked at the start about me being cursed in races and them ending up being cut short. It happened in the Marathon Des Sables and again in the UTMB. Ultrarunners (well the ones I know anyway) don't want anything to be cut short or even for other circumstances to make it easier. No one wants to do Badwater on a "cool" year or Rotherham on a dry year. I looked at the weather reports before the race and was actually a little disappointed to see that is was only about 28 degrees rather than the 30's we had last year (though the humidity more than compensated). Many of us have this perverse desire for the conditions to be really bad just to make it even tought, like 40 degrees or a tropical storm or hurricanes. The rain sure was making it hard and I was thinking about how difficult it would be to get up the mountain, but I was more concerned that they might not even let anyone try.Temple of Apollo. I completely missed this last year.

It finally calmed down and I started to run on again, faster for some reason as if I could outrun the next down pour. Runners covered their reflective tops with black bags and became ghosts on the road, you could not see them event while shining a light near them. It was a strange sensation not knowing whether it was a person in front of you or just a blip in your vision. I was getting tired, still a bit cold and some of the road turned into river. I was ankle deep running through some times and the darkness make me paranoid about twisting my ankles. Still the cold water on my legs was very welcome.

Before long I could see the point of the race that smashed my legs last year, the long switchbacks on the roads leading up to the rocky climb of Sangras Pass.

It looked a lot like the climbs I had seen in the UTMB last month, headlmaps heading off up into the stars except this one had a long stretch of highway building up to it. I was starting to feel sleepy and remembered that I had a Red Bull shot in my belt and was thinking of the opportune moment to take it. I managed to sleep quite well the previous night, I don't panic about not sleeping nowadays which helps and I tried to lay off the caffiene the week before. There is a CP just before the 2km climb up to "Base Camp" - CP47. I had a cup of coffee and leisurely walked up the road, the first time in the race I felt like I took it easy. I could see for miles behind me at the villages that I had been through and the small glowing lights making their way towards the mountain. It really is an astonishing sight and one that I'd like to keep on seeing every year.

Base Camp - I got there around 3am, a little behind last year but I was certainly catching up with my former self. There is a different feel to this checkpoint, there are a lot more people there and several places to lie down and have a massage. I took this opportunity and felt great afterwards. While drinking a coffee I took some time to chat to the mainly British staff. They commented on how young I was and what I was doing such races for at that age. I didn't know what to say really, what was the alternative. I've just spent 20 hours running and now I have to climb a mountain. Would I trade this for being caged up in a pen to run some road marathon somewhere?

Getting over the mountain

As soon as you walk out of the checkpoint you start the ascent, very steep, lose rocks and lit up with glow sticks and bike lights. It's sometimes hard to tell whether a light up ahead is one of the markers or another runner. Last year on my scramble up this seemed to take forever and I was passed by at least 15 people on the way up. This time no one passed me at all which must have meant I got up there a lot quicker. It certainly felt much easier and shorter this time. I had no way of knowing as I didn't time it last time and I was not wearing a watch now anyway, I decided against this as I remember how crazy it drove me last year. In what seemed like no time at all I was back at the checkpoint where last year I was bundled into a chair and wrapped in a blanket. No need for bundling this time, I just walked over and sat down.

checkpoint at nightThis time last year I was the first Brit to get to this point. This year I was the first British man, there were 2 female Brits who were having an amazing race. As soon as I was identified as British the marshalls there would tell me about Emily Gelder who was having an amazing race and leading the women and not far out of the top 10. She was doing amazingly well as was Heather Foundling-Hawker who was joint 2nd female. I was really pleased to see the Brit's having a good go at it this year and hoped that those just behind me, Mark, Neil, Kevin, Peter, Martin, Colin and all would be up here soon. A lot of people get the chop here. If you arrive just short of the cut-off you then have 40 minutes to get to the top of the mountain and then 35 to get back down. Fail that and you'll be picked up by the "Death Bus". I heard lots of stories about the Death Bus.

The Death Bus hangs back from the race and crawls along at the pace of the cut-offs. Though I had never been that close to the cut-offs I had visions of this thing snapping at your ankles and trying to run you over. Once you are on the bus you join all those who fell before you. In all likeliness they are going to be an unhealthy bunch. They may have had to pull out with sickness, stomach problems, dehydration, exhaustion or injury. Sat on this bus are living (just about) examples of some of the bad things that ultras do to you. If you happen to not be in such a state you soon will be on smelling and inhaling the terrible things that slosh around the place. You will be hoping the bus arrives in Sparta quickly, except it will only start the journey to Sparta when it is full. They joked about trying to knobble runners who were flagging just to fill the bus so everyone can get out of there. I don't want to get on that bus. I don't want to be anywhere near it.The rain

It did not rain at all on the mountain, I was amazed it was bone dry. The downpour that seemed to follow us for a few miles only got a few of the runners, some missed it entirely and wondered what the fuss was. I jogged carefully down the other side. It's not nearly as steep as the up and the path is generally good but I didn't want to put a foot wrong. I broke here last time and around 20 people passed me. Last year I felt so lame as everyone else seemed to trot down the other side with some new found energy. I was terrible at downs and I know now that I am a bit less terrible. Only 2 people passed me this time, I felt good about this, I'm not so lame anymore. I had one fall on my arse but got to the bottom without incident and went further down the roads into Siagas, checkpoint 49 where I had a fresh pair of shoes waiting.

Getting to the statue

I was glowing having got up and down the mountain without any bother at all. I continued to run and for the first time I didn't recognise any of the roads ahead, it was like I was running here for the first time. It's strange how a race with so many miles, so many twists and turns, checkpoints, signs, bridges and other furniture that you run with a constant sense of deja-vu but for the next 15 miles or so I did not remember any of this. I was running in a valley with some roads by my side and much higher up. There were lots of buildings, bridges and a nice uphill section, all quite memorable but for this bit I had amnesia. Why didn't I know any of this? Perhaps I was going the wrong way? Funny how my memory wiped this whole bit out.

I remembered the sun rising last year and it was while I was running through a park. I ran through this park in darkness this time which meant that I had overtaken my last year run. 40 miles to go.

I could still run, uphill and downhill. The aches and pains that started so early went away for a while but were back now including a soreness in the sole of my foot. This was a new injury and hence a little concerning and I thought about what could have brought this on. Not long after I remembered that I had just run about 120 miles, that'll be it.

I remembered the last 50 miles as been mostly downhill but I was wrong, it still rolls and rolls up and down. The roads are deceptive like in Badwater and I can't tell whether I am going up or down. The "50k to go" then the "only a marathon to go" points should have lifted me but I was having a low spell. I guess I should be thankful, I suffered in the first 50 but had a great 80 miles, it was time to feel bad again.

Gemma had texted me to say that Peter, Neil and Kevin were out which did not help matters. It would be a dream to finish this race and for everyone I know to do the same so that we can can sit down at the end and reflect on a job well done. I felt a bit awkward last year talking to those who didn't make it about my experience. I was still having a great race and it would have been great to clap the other guys in.

It was getting warm, it was still humid and every now and then it would rain a little but not much. The weather conditions were enough to make me feel really warm sometimes and cold at others. Hitherto I had done a good job of not sitting down too much but I was faltering now, sitting down far too easily with excuses that did not exist, "I have something in my shoe", "I need a coffee", "I need to check my phone". My momentum had gone. I had left the quiet roads and was on the highway that headed into Sparta and it was much harder than I remember. 

 A guy passed me while I was sat down at a checkpoint who was running like I was 2 hours ago and he climbed into the distance with great speed. He was the first person to pass me since the mountain 30 miles ago. I looked at him get smaller and smaller and felt bad because that is exactly what I was doing earlier. The roads are lethal, cars whizzing around blind corners and without much respect for the walking lane. I zig-zagged along to avoid death and would walk around corners to be safer. It was much lonlier this year, not many people around at all whereas last year there was a whole chain of us. |I thought this was possibly the most dangerous conditions I have run in. I've done deserts and mountains and they have their risks but this was something else. At any other time it would be stupid to run against this traffic. There I said it, this race is pretty stupid.

From now on I ignore the big number at the top and look only at the shrinking numberI got another text to say that Mark was out. This was a shock, he has not dnf'ed anything since this race in 2004. I had already been told that more than half of the starters had dropped out and this was normal. I didn't want to get complacent and say I was definitely going to finish but with a half marathon to do in 5 hours and still in good shape. I had no excuse to mope around really, I just had to get it done. I didn't have a finish time in mind, just a finish and a better finish than last time. I just wanted to run to the statue instead of crawling to it. A finish would still do but I really wanted to leave here loving this race, whether that was done slower than last time or faster I didn't care. I was currently ahead of where I was last year and looking strong. My legs still allowed me to run up hills and down hills, I just couldn't be arsed. I just don't remember the road being this busy or going up as much as it did. With about 20k to go there is one last big push up hill and then it's down, all the way to Sparta.

You can see Sparta from miles away. It looks busy and confusing as roads stick out everywhere and there seems to be 2 cities in the distance. I can't imagine what Phiedippidies must have seen when stood on top of this hill looking down. I guess it would have looked even more spectacular, a large warrior city surrounded by green. In fact it was on fire, there was smoke billowing out of somewhere. I can remember what all the next 4 checkpoints looked like, the one next to the petrol station, the one just before the small town, the one in the middle of a traffic island. A few people passed me again at great speed as if they had just started running, or "doing a Woolley" as I lke to call it. I was able to run again but was not going to try to pace these guys, there was still 10k to go. Something could still go wrong. In fact something did.

(You don't have to read this bit). I was have a few chaffing issues, nothing major and probably unavoidable completely when doing such a long race. It gets worse after going to the toilet though after wiping. I went one final time in some trees and obviously wiped what remained of the vasaline I had on. When I got back onto the road I felt like someone was scratching my arse with a rusty spanner, it was agony. I yelled a few times (no one was around) and almost wept as I comtemplated finsihing with a long walk again. Luckily I had some lube on me and while I would not normally use my hands in this way to avoid germs I had no choice. With complete disregard for hygene and a completely new use for my water bottle I sorted myself out. Mental note for next time - take some wet wipes and hand sanitiser. Mental note for the rest of the race - don't drink out of this bottle anymore.

Now I was ready to run, down down down until you hit a very busy road with a checkpoint at the start. Along this road I pass a couple of people finishing in the same way I did last year, with a slow limp. I shook hands with a Hungarian guy who was over a mile from the end but I know from experience he was a good hour from the end, the race had smashed him but he was going to make it, he had loads of time.

The last checkpoint, on that island in the middle of a busy intersection. It was a glorious sight. All I had to do now was head up into the main street in Sparta, turn right after about a mile, turn right again then I'll see the end. I had no idea where these right turns were but on the other side of the road was a kid on a bike and he was there to guide me to the end. "Are you here to get me to the finish?" I said. He did not speak English but it did not matter, I just followed him as he braved the busy traffic through the town.

The last mile is slightly uphill but I was getting faster. All the pain went away. After around a mile I did the right turn and my cyclist was replaced by a Policeman on a motorbike. He would stop traffic to let me run through, the cars stopping to clap and cheers as I ran past. Another right turn and that was it, the end.

I could see the end of the road but the statue was obscured by trees. The crowd of people got denser and denser and then I spotted Lawrence, the first person I recognised since I saw Kevin about a day ago. Then I saw Mark and Peter and high-fived everyone and started to run even faster. This was the dream finish, running. There was the statue and the steps, I lept up them and then onto the pedestal of Leonidas and let out a scream. It was done and done so much better than last time.

I stepped down and went through the ceremony. Wreath, water from the river, perpex thingy, handshake, photo. I Looked over to my friends at the left and at the bar they were drinking in. They reassured me that I had a beer waiting and I was just about to head over when the medics apprehended me, like they do with everyone. I sat down and had my one blister popped and treated and she asked me if anything hurt. I had to think about it for a while before responding that nothing hurt at all. All the soreness for a few moments had disappeared, until I stood up.Hard to get lost in this one

2-0 33.24

Emily had come 1st in the womens race with an amazing time of just over 30.17. Heather in 32.43. Martin came in 34.19 and Colin (who I did not get to see after the race so get in touch) finished in 35.10.

Why come back?

Miles and miles of choking through the hot and noxious industrial lands of Greece made me realise just how ugly this race is. Playing chicken with fast cars on a winding highway having run 5 marathons without sleep made me realise that this race is pretty stupid too. There has to be something that draws people back?

What about the history? Well, having read so many different versions of the heroic tale of Phiedippidies the one that sounds the most likely is that he ran to Sparta to summon an army. He ran the 246km in 36 hours, a deed that would have been unthinkable at the time and even unthinkable until recently when this race was born. On arriving into Sparta Phiedippides pleaded with the Spartans to send an army to save Athens.

SpartaThey said no.

By the time He got back to Athens the Athenian army had won the battle anyway. Epic though the run was is was in fact pointless. I can't imagine what he must have felt like in Sparta on hearing that he was not going to get any help or how much that played on his mind on his return journey. What reaction did he get on his return to Athens when the battle was already run?

I can imagine them all in the pub that evening celebrating the victory over the barbarians and laughing at some guy who ran 300 miles for nothing and then missed everything. "How many savages did you kill Phiedippides? oh no wait I remember you were scrambling over some mountain in the dark and even then God told you to turn bacvk as it was pointless, Ha ha ha ha ha". I suspect that to protect the man's dignity they made up the story of him running 26.2 miles and telling of victory and then dying. "Even though it's a lie at least you won't go down in history as some pointless ultra-running idiot". I'm sure he did not care about the mocking though. Whatever message he was delivering at least he had his dream job. I reckon he did not even care for the messages he had to deliver, he just wanted to run from place to place and probably ran all over Greece. It's the journey and all that. I doubt he would think people 2500 years from now would be re-creating one of his many runs every year but he would surely know that people will be doing exactly the same thing, in different places and different times. Even after cars had been invented.

So, to summarise the Spartathlon is ugly, stupid and ultimately pointless. See you next year.