This week for the first time in my life I did an activity called "spinning". It's like that dream I sometimes get where I am trying to run to somewhere not too far infront of me but for some reason it's like I am running in water and I am not getting anywhere at all. This is probably some subconscious metaphor for something in my life. Anyway, it's just like that except you are on a bike and to make it a challenge you have to listen to shit music while you do it.
I only found myself doing this because I was late turning up to the club and missed the runs. Dressed to brave the freezing outdoor weather I instead went into the cycling room and decided to try an embarass myself trying this spinning thing that all the cool people seem to be talking about.
To get you in the mood for furious pedalling some shite is pumped out of a speaker. I don't know whether it's called "Garage" or "House" or whatever but at this stage I thought the harder I work the more my ears fill with fluid and hence the more bearable the noise becomes.
The lady taking the session warned us that she had already taken 3 sessions today and was unlikely to be putting in the effort that we were. I was sweating quite a lot and looking at the clock. I like running, particularly from point to point because it feels like there is a point. Here I was sat looking at a clock with no finish point in mind, just watching a clock tick down while I slowly saturated myself in sweat.
Then somehow the music got worse. I believe this genre is called "R&B" which used to stand for "Rhythym and Blues" but now stands for "Stupid halfwit banging on about the tedious details of his tedius life". The pace slowed, I assumed to give us time to reflect on the profoundly thought-proving poetry that was now oozing out of the speakers, gold such as "I was driving down the street to find something to eat, then I saw a bee and it flew into a tree, the tree was green, you know what I mean, Yeah".
But luckily it was getting to the end of the session. I was warm and sweaty but not really tired. I imagined being outdoors running towards the end of the 7 mile run I'd normally be doing tonight and looking forward to a few pints and a burger that such activity would earn. I think in this instance I was due a lime soda and a rice cracker.
Then the music took a turn for the better. At it was near the end we had the smoochy romantic classic "Lady in Red". The Boys and Girls then got up and went to bikes at opposite end of the room while just looking across at each other.
45 minutes it was done. That's the least I have travelled in 45 minutes in my life. I was a bit gutted that I could not do something more fun that night like run and to commiserate I had more to drink than I usually do, proving that cycling makes you fat.
I don't think it will catch on.