Where is the Dragon Fruit?

When I was a student I worked in a supermarket. It was in the then gun capital of the UK, a place called Longsight in Manchester.

That’s not important. What is important is my memories of this guy who used to come in every Saturday and ask for something that he knew we didn’t have. It was always different and always random.

I worked on the fruit and veg bit and the local area had little need for organic kumquats or pan piped chicory salad infused with fresh rocket stalks but he would always ask anyway just to be awkward.

At the time I just dismissed this as one of those things and hoped I didn’t meet too many strange people like that in my life. To be honest I had not thought about him at all until the other day while flying across the English channel when I had the peculiar realisation.

I think I might have married him.

I have noticed that when the flight attendants get round to serving tea and coffee they will race along the aisle dispensing much needed refreshment I know by the time they get to me my longed for cup of gravelly Kenco will be delayed as they are asked a question like;

Do you have decaff?

Inevitably they don’t and have to go and get it from the back. They are happy to do it but it increases the amount of time where no one can go for a piss because there is a trolley blocking the way.

I sense that it is a game that I was first introduced to ten years ago. The goal of the game is to make sure your adversary has to do some additional walking. A typical bout might go something like this.

“Do you have any liquorice extract tea?”
“Sure we do, right here”
“OK I’ll have that with soya milk”
“No problem, I have some soya milk right h..”
“Ahhhh, OK I will have to have a look in the back for that”.


I would rather she would just just level with the attendant before it gets complicated. Something like;

“Look, the simple fact is that I want something that you don’t have on that trolley. I don’t know what it is because I can’t see in all those drawers and have no idea what you are hiding on those pockets. Can you just tell me what I can ask for that will require you to walk back into the service area and have to go rummaging around”

“Errrrrm. I think we have some insulin in one of the first aid boxes”

“Great, I’ll have that then please with a diet coke”

“Of course, coming right ..”